How do you change the way you think ?

I've posted before 'how do you let go of anger?'  so here is another question, how do you change the way you think or feel about things.    Sometimes he does things for 'me', and I don't appreciate them because really what he does I don't feel is for ME at all but for him.  I am aware that i don't appreciate the things he does lately.  So say for my B'day, which he actually remebered this year he bought me something that HE thought would be cool, yet i told him previously I did not want one.  One year he bought me a 'tool' for my B'day, are you kidding ? Sometimes he will make me a drink, and say here i made you this drink....I don't drink, what he really means is "I felt like a drink so I'm handing you one", he knows I don't drink..I can't drink i am very sensitive to alcohol...if i have a drink i would be passed out cold.  there are many many examples, of things he does for ME, yet really he didn't have ME in mind at all.  I don't like not appreciating his 'effort' but after 20 years how do you not know me ?