How do you deal with the disorganization?

New here, first post.

Generalized "backgrounds":

Me (non ADHD) - Prior enlisted Marine and member of the International Legion of Ukraine (mercenary). On the go. Highly aware and in tune, very structured and disciplined. Research and intel. Routines are key. Low tolerance for perceived laziness. (Painting a picture of my rigorous structure)

Partner (ADHD) - Computer marketing, works from home. Sporadic, impulsive, impatient. No consistent structure. Diminished attention span (duh). Forgetful, unmotivated, messy, indecisive, highly emotional(ly unstable at times). (Painting a picture of her apparent complete lack of structure)

Some of my frustrations include some frequent fliers around these forums, it would seem.

  • Please do [insert literally anything]. //  Doesn't get done, even after repeated reminders/encouragements.
  • You have to do [insert task] at the same time EVERY DAY! How do you NEVER remember?
  • Knows she could prevent X-Y-Z from happening with a simple alarm or reminder. //  Doesn't implement said alarm/reminder even after we discuss doing so.
  • Starts more projects in a day than I have ever attempted in my life, but finishes none of them. Still insists on starting more.
  • Avoids budgeting and money concerns and makes poor and unnecessary purchases.

My main question is... How does everyone manage/cope/deal with the extreme level of disorganized chaos that is ADHD (in this case)?

I love my lady, don't get me wrong. If I didn't love her, I surely wouldn't be researching how to be better for her. I am just very new to this aspect of life, and it's a literal culture shock to me to know there are such people that exist. I often find myself thinking things like, "How on Earth did you survive this long?". I know it's not her fault, which is why I continue to learn and love. I have to tell you though, after 3 wars over 20 years... this is the hardest battle I've ever had to fight. An "enemy" that doesn't die. It is mindbogglingly difficult for me to adjust to. Any suggestions would be helpful.


Troops in contact! S.O.S.