How Do You Disengage Yet Be Supportive?

I hit a wall with my ADHD hubby this morning. I know it's just a temporary setback but its so easy to get bent out of shape.

He started back to college yesterday and I'm super proud of him. I've helped him along the way (filing financial aid, doing the paperwork, helping with registration, etc.) and he has said that he was very appreciative of my help and couldn't have done it without me. He's been to school before and got decent grades, but tardiness was an issue. He's without meds right now and I meant to make an appointment with his doctor last week, but I forgot to.

Well he got to school on time yesterday and had a pretty good time although he said it was stressful. I was surprised that he got there on time because he didn't get home from his 3rd shift bar job until 6am and he had to start waking up at 9:30 so he could leave the house by 10:30. He's been stressed out overall lately due to some family conflict over him selling a truck his dad bought for him in order to get a motorcycle (which he intends to use as his primary vehicle).

Well he came home this morning at 3am (after playing with his pool team) but didn't crawl into bed until 5am. I set the alarm for him and went to work. Well 10:30 rolled around and I hadn't heard from him so I started calling. I called several times but he never picked up. So I called my mom, who works 3 blocks from our apartment, and she offered to go over there and bang on the door. She tried several times and was about to leave when he answered and said he was in the bathroom. I can't believe he was in there without his phone (it's attached to his hip 24/7) but so it goes. I went ahead and called his doctor to make an appt and when I called my hubby to tell him, he asked me why. I could have swore that he told me that he needed to have his 3 month check-up but he said he still had one month left on his script. I told him to hold it and go on to the Dr since he wanted to talk to him about getting his dosage reduced because the current mg makes him irritable and agitated (thus he only wants to take it at certain times). I told him he also needed to talk to the doctor about his sleep issues. He's been diagnosed with sleep phase disorder, which is common with ADHDers from what I've read. I've told him about the taking a low dose of his meds to help him sleep but he's been resistant. Well he explodes at me over the phone and says he doesn't want to sleep at night because that's when his mind is clear. Also "never send your mother over here again. It was embarrassing and I'd rather flunk out of school and have to deal with that again." At which point, I told him I would remember that and hung up.

I'm so frustrated with him right now. His life has been a mess for four years, he's tied to his job at this stupid bar (oh! how I wish the place would burn down!), and just when he convinces himself that everything is going to be alright, he allows himself to start with the "I'm a screw up" routine. I don't know how to disconnect myself from this and yet be supportive. I can't stay awake at night worrying because he's not home yet and I'm afraid he won't make it to school on time. I can't be in charge of calling him 20 times to make sure he is up. I've got to draw the line somewhere and I don't know how. Any tips?