How do you explain to your ADHD spouse all the pressure you feel without anger or judgment?

Hi everyone,

This is my first post though I have read through many of the posts in these forums. I had a huge post that just got eaten somehow, so this one will be much more brief...

Just for some quick background, my husband and I have read the ADHD Effect on Marriage and it described our marriage perfectly. He is in the process of getting a diagnosis/treatment right now, but it takes a little time with his insurance. I am feeling overwhelmed as I take care of nearly everything, including our 3 year old child, all the time, though he doesn't understand or recognize that. (When we fight, he says I "don't support him" which I do not know how to respond to). I feel like I am drowning in all this responsibility and I want to step back from it but I'm not sure how. (There is ample evidence in our past that when I leave him responsible for something it falls apart, though I am hoping this will improve with treatment). If I don't want to take on his problems, he accuses me of only thinking about myself. It hurts me and leaves me feeling bewildered because I've done nothing BUT take care of all his problems for the last 10 years.

I just want to know how you manage to talk about these issues without anger or blame or judgment? I DO feel anger and I DO feel judgment when it seems as though he is unwilling to recognize the sheer amount of work I do to keep our lives afloat. However, I want to talk constructively in order to change things, not throw around blame. How do I approach this topic? Will things get any better when he is receiving treatment?

Thank you for any suggestions or insight you might have.