How do you feel loved from the ADHD partner?

I had an emotional serious talk with my ADHD boyfriend today. I was really sick of him spending time on his own, gaming, internet, stuffs he likes. He said he needs his own time, own space. Even when I was at his place, he is still doing his stuff on computer. So I asked could we do something together next week? he said "no we spent too much time together, I need some time off myself" I was so angry because the time we spent together is me sitting on couch while he is playing computer game. So I started a big fight talking about my frustration. He apologized and he said he loves me so much and he needs me. He cannot promise me anything because he knows he might forget or fail, but he will try. He knew I have to put up with all his ADHD nonsense that no guys ever give me, but he loves me so much. He knows how important and how lucky to have me in his life helping him (his ex didn't believe in ADHD or his condition). He is able to talk to me patiently because he is on med today. But most of the time I see him is after work , because the med has worn out he could hardly give any attention to me. I know his limitation is to giving  attention but how can I feel loved while I have no attention from him?

You can't be, unfortunately.

You can't be, unfortunately. Several years ago "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman was a runaway success in both the secular and Christian worlds. It broke down how people have love languages...essentially how they feel loved. One of the love languages is quality time, which seems to be one of yours (you can multiple ones (words of affirmation, receiving gifts, physical (not sexual) touch, and acts of service). You can see those clearly on here. The women who complain about their husbands not helping out around the house are clearly operating in the "acts of service" love language. Other women on here crave "words of affirmation" but their ADHD husbands barely notice them. I operate in the "receiving gifts" and "quality time" love languages which is why I take it so hard that my ADHD husband hasn't bought me birthday or Christmas gifts in long while.

Depending on how your boyfriend's personality, would it help to sit down with and calmly clarify how you feel? I would be careful in your word choice. My ADHD husband does not react well whenever I tell him that he's hurt me or something. It's always best to be more logical. "Hey honey, I was reading about love languages today and I think that quality time is one of mine. I appreciate that you spend time with me but I often feel that you are distant or are focused on other things. Could we possibly go on a walk or do something where we can really connect?" You could leave out the whole love languages thing and just focus on the fact that the quality of time you spend together is often watered down by outside forces.

The immediate reaction may not be what you want, but don't forget that he may take some of it to heart. I often have conversations with my husband where it appears that he's not listening, but then he'll pop up a week or two down the road and be like, "I'm trying to help out more...I'm trying to spend more time with you..."

Good luck to you.