Hi Everyone. First time posting, so sorry if this topic has been addressed before.
I'm a spouse of an ADHD husband (married 9 years)... I love him dearly and we've been through a real lot together. It really helps our situation that I'm a very laid back, very patient individual. I understand adhd top to bottom, have done extensive research on it and understand it fully.
Years ago (04 i think), after his son was diagnosed - I asked him to get tested as well. He did indeed do that, and was diagnosed as having adhd along with another substantial verbal memory deficit. After that, I was relieved... figured this was the turning point to him getting the help he needs. Years go by, but despite my continued pleading.... he never moves forward with actually addressing any of these diagnosis, as well as continued to self-medicate in a way that I don't approve of.
Despite the disappointment that I truly believe that our lives would be highly improved all around if he had moved forward with taking the time to understand his adhd and doing the things necessary to help the symptoms, I adjusted my life and continued to make things work and learned to let a lot of things go so that we could go on with our lives. After all, I still love him, despite his struggles...... he is a wonderful person underneath all those symptoms, and I had the willpower and tenacity to make things work.
Then... I had a beautiful baby girl. I helped raise my husbands son (my stepson) half the time and enjoyed being a mom. I wanted to be a mother very very much... but that with my husbands issues and all it's affects on our lives, it would be highly irresponsible to bring a child into the relationship. I'm smart enough to know that if you're already struggling, a child only brings further stress both on the relationship, as well as the parenting process. Then, he got me pregnant. Apparently, he thought we had a conversation where I agreed we were ready to have a child. That conversation never took place as I'd never have agreed to that in the situation we were currently in.
Now I have the best little girl I could have ever have hoped for..... she's beautiful and wonderful and fills me with joy ----- and I'm in total hell. Our relationship is dysfunctional, we are in total financial crisis due to the extra costs of raising and supporting another child (things were bad financially before). I love my little girl to the ends of the earth and want life to be better for her and our whole family. We are desperate. The extra stress and responsibility and pressure has gotten to me.... I feel like a completely different person now... like a monster has taken over me in comparison to the person I used to be. I'm just so tired physically and emotionally.
So - this is where I'm at, and here is my question as I believe many other people must be in this same situation (adhd and financial troubles seem to go hand-in-hand in a lot of cases). I read all the recommendations for how to treat adhd. Counseling, medication, therapy, coaching... the list goes on. My husband is again at a point where he says he wants to deal with his issues, and is willing to try. WE HAVE NO MONEY! We are just able (and often fall behind regularly) to scratch by month to month so we can stay in our home and eat/electricity, the basics. We no longer have health insurance, we couldn't afford it after my daughter was born. There's just nothing extra after we pay to survive. In our situation, where we're willing to do the work to get help, is it hopeless for us? We've tried to do it ourselves, but it hasn't worked. Due to the defensiveness, he's unable to take any "direction" from me to help himself (even though I know a hundred ways we could change what we do day-to-day to improve our issues)...... so that's not going to work. I believe any direction will have to come from someone else in order for him to actually consider it. I think he may need therapies/counseling/meds to help him, but if we can't afford to pay for it, what can we do? I do know that some med companies will give meds for low-cost/free if you qualify, but we'd still need a doctor to prescribe them. I don't know what to do from here.
Anyone else in the same situation or have any suggestions? Would love to hear them. Thanks in advance for your kindness and support.