How do you get your spouse to realize / accept that their ADD/ADHD is a big part of the problems in the marriage?

I would love to get some success stories of how any of you have successfully helped your spouse realize / accept that their ADD is a big part of the problems in the marriage.  My husband blames our marital problems on me - he says I am an angry, abusive person and that if I don't get help and change it will be the ruin of our marriage.  He acknowledges that he has ADD and he also acknowledges that his ADD affects aspects of his life, but it's the aspects that are convenient for him (can't follow up with chores, is totally consumed with activities like TV and video games, cannot give me support because he can't be emotional).

Help.  I am tired of being the only one in the marriage willing to work on our relationship.  Surely it can't work if it's all one sided.  He thinks I just need to accept his ADD and deal with it.