Both the ADHD and the non-ADHD parter.
My ADHD partner "tries" but if only I was less angry/more loving/more caring/ more empathetic etc... then he would come to bed/contribute more/let go of his video game addiction and spending addiction. He only reacts to my anger and to my negative reinforcement.
I can no longer take the verbal abuse/criticism/blame/majority of workload/financial burden. Which he denies (except for the financial burden part since he is unemployed but that does not stop his overspending. It's not his fault, he can't control it) and just blames me further (it's all me) followed by denial of saying that as well (I don't listen to him, if only I listened to him) followed by him justifying his behavior by him no longer accepting the negative reinforcement from me and by all the wrongs I do to him, followed by further denial of saying any of that (except for the negative reinforcement part. If only I was positive and loving to him) and then further blaming me. Followed by him saying he's useless usually followed by him going to bed and/or playing more video games unless it's the evening and then he doesn't go to bed and spends the night on the couch watching TV and playing video games.
If I walk away from an argument telling him I need space, he follows me around to continue and to explain himself - he only reacts to my anger. Why am I so angry? If only I listened to him. If only I was less angry, more empathetic and more loving to him.
If I interrupt him, I am disrespectful. If I just listen and don't interrupt, he is speaking to himself as I am not listening because I don't give a sh*t. If I ask him about that contradiction he responds that it's how he feels. He can't help it.
I am going absolutely crazy. Spent dinner crying at the table last night. I am so mentally drained. This has been going on for years and only getting increasingly worse.