My ADD husband is on meds for depression and ADD - for the last 18-24 months as well as counseling for ADD for 4 months (2nd time). Plus we have been in marriage counseling for about 4-5 sessions. He know feels that he doesn't need the ADD counseling any longer. He states that he knows what to do he just needs to put it into action. OK....its that a major part of ADD'ers...not following through on what needs to be done?? Starting something and not finishing it??? I feel that he really does believe that he doesn't need those sessions, but when I hear him talk about work (which is a majority part of his ADD counseling sessions focus on) he is very much all over the board and tends to say one thing but then will say the opposite a few minutes later - confusing. Which I know the counselor has been explaining to him that he needs to have more clear communication (with everyone). In addition, he now says that he doesn't want to just roll over on things - he is being assertive. Well, honestly he is being a jerk. He is arguing over every little thing and taking that issue to the extreme. For ex: due to his out burst our bank threatened to close our account! All over his principle - the bank made an error 20.00 when he took out cash - he didn't check the amount that the teller gave him he just thought that the money was correct - until he got home. Then he became (in my opinon - unreasonable) he called the bank explained what happened the bank gave these opitions - they would re depoit the 20.00 into our account or he could come and pick up the cash that night. He then wanted to know what type of compensation he would get from the bank for their error. Yeah, right! So the bank manager didn't call him back - no surprise. Well 3 weeks go by and my husband decides that he wants to make sure the 20 has been back into our account - fine. He heads to the bank (with the kids - im at work) and ends up in a heated arguement with the store manager who threatens to close our accounts. So husband calls me (at work 3rd call from him that day at my new job!) states - the mgr was a dick and wants to close our accounts so figure out a new bank to use and get the funds moved. Its Friday afternoon - Im at work - WHAT! He states- its the principle of the matter. The bank had redepostied the money into our account it didn't cause any issues with our balance or withdrawls, but he was insistant on getting some form of compensation from the bank. This is just one of the many "principles" that he has choosen to defend - so out of 6 incidents like the on above only 1 was truely worthy of so much time and attention - its also the one that he didn't bother to pursue. So is this being assertative or agressive? His moods are very up and down - within the hour they vary - Im at the point of where Im concerned to say something that will set him off no matter what the topic. So am I worried that he is stopping counseling for ADD too soon over nothing? And I can't help but wonder why, if he knows what he needs to do to handle his ADD, then why isn't he doing them? I mean, he for a few weeks at a time will do great - keys and wallets in one place easy to find, trying to keep to a nighttime bed routine to get up in the morning, ect. but then everything falls apart. I have given up the nagging/mothering thing awhile back and I refuse to go back to that. He is capable of caring for himself getting to bed on time (rather than being on the computer or watching tv until all hours, ect) - i believe that those are choices he is making. He knows how to read a clock, he knows I go to be by 10pm each night - pretty much everything around him is on a schedule but him because he chooses not to be. With his angry attitude beinging to resurface again - Im worried that if he stops counseling things will just head in a downward spiral.
So some days I can see that we are making progress and that there is a pin dot of light at the end of this long long cave and then he will just explode over nothing and everything has become my fault again and his angry attitude is back in full swing and we have gotten no where!
How do I tell/know when things are on the right track? Is it possible that there is something more at play in addition to the ADD an depression?
I only have a second...but I
Submitted by SherriW13 on
I only have a second...but I think you know that he needs the counseling..your marriage needs you guys to get the counseling. Your post is chock FULL of reasons why. I don't know how you'll get him to stay in counseling, but this is one time I would put my foot down. I personally did this..no counseling, no marriage. Period. Best of luck!