What I have realize is that if my ADHD spouse are in the same room, trying to accomplish something, and I start to do it my way, he just takes over, and my only 2 choices seem to be:1. get into a power struggle, or 2. walk away and let him take over and do it his way. Neither outcome is nice for me. An argument, or stuffing my feelings.
Any suggestions on how I can navigate this better?
This came to point yesterday as I was trying to put the top of our daughter's wedding cake into a box, to take it home. It cake was top heavy, so I started to cut down one side of the box so I could slide the cake in. . .but my spouse grabbed it, said he could just cradle it down into the box using strands of foil, which did not work, and it fell and smushed. . . . . .
Even this morning as I ttied to explain my frustratin, he just huffed and puffed and said, "I'm going to work outside."
I keep hearing there is hope of ADHD/Non-ADHD couples. But I really want to know how it is done. What I can only see is this: he gets his way, and don;t get my way. No compromise. Ever.
This lady has a headache. I am really believing this is all much more work than I am willing to do anymore.
I never did learn
Submitted by logicalinks on
My ADD partner and I broke up last month, so take this for what it's worth, because I did not ever learn how to navigate successfully. Like you said, my choices were either arguing or suppressing.
Both my ex-partner and I were very interested in craft-type things and home improvement. I was thinking early on in the relationshiop that we could have a lifetime of fun projects together. Uh, no. She ALWAYS knew the best way to do everything! Inevitably, it ended up being her way or an argument, which, of course, ruins all of the fun, or which resulted in her just leaving the project.
Worse than that would be trying to get her to follow instructions when we were assembling a pre-fab something. After so many arguments, I would usually just stay out of it, knowing that it would result in an argument and not the longed-for time spent together doing something fun or productive. She would empty contents and just start assembling. When she hit a snag, she would start blaming shoddy products or missing pieces. 90% of the time, it was that she had not bothered to follow any instructions. Sigh.
And directions! Oh my. She was so horrible with directions. If we were going somewhere new to us, I would put on the GPS and she would almost always say, "Go this way. It's a shortcut!" I can't tell you how many times we would get lost and hear "recalculating, recalculating" until we finally got back on the right path. Problem is, any time I said I wanted to just follow the GPS, she would say, "Why don't you just trust me?!" with much hurt and dismay. And I'd be thinking (but not saying), Because you don't know your frickin' right from your left and because you've never been in this part of town any more than I have!! Could she not remember all the times we got lost?! But no, she wouldn't trust the GPS, but she wanted me to trust her warped sense of direction. I learned to hate going anywhere out of the ordinary with her.
Who knows what that is about? The need to feel like they know THE best way to do EVERYTHING all the time! And when you express an alternative, it's taken so personally. It flat wore me out!!
Sorry I don't have any solutions, but plenty of commiserating. Good luck in finding some answers.