I've been looking around here as I'm new to this site but haven't found too many references to the impact of a spouse's ADHD on children in the family. My husband has ADHD and takes medication but it is a continuous roller coaster of manic enthusiasm and bursts of anger and at times verbal abuse directed at me and our children (for example, calling my son an "f*ing retard" to his face). Until now I felt my 4-yr-old son was too young to understand but now he's starting to have uncontrolled outbursts himself and seems scared to make mistakes (as of course am I, that seems well-documented on this site). My husband recognizes this is not ok and sometimes apologizes but doesn't seem to be able to control himself. In my mind you can't apologize to a child after saying hurtful things and have that assuage the damage. I feel so alone here; I feel pretty strongly that kids should be raised in a 2-parent household if possible but am struggling with what is worse for them. My 4-yr-old is a sweet and loving boy but I don't know if this home life is producing these changes in him or if he's also got "it" and I'm going to start seeing more and more manifestations. My 1-yr-old seems to have been born with a bad temper and I fear for him too. I think I have made such a mistake and now my sweet boys are getting the brunt of it both genetically and environmentally... Mind you, 95% of the time my husband is actually a great and very involved dad. He clearly loves his children. Has this been anyone else's experience, and what are you doing to try and fix it, if that is possible?
Submitted by djdj on 12/01/2012.