How to forgive when you know it won’t stop

If I’m going to find any happiness in this marriage at all, I have to find a way to lay down my anger.  I don’t even like the word “forgive,” because it always evokes this feeling of him getting off without any consequences.  

But I’ve done the analysis.  Forgiving doesn’t mean there are no consequences.  His consequences: not trying to do anything about his adhd or improving the marriage is that he keeps causing problems for us all and that he doesn’t have the good marriage he says he wants. 

Forgiveness just means that I put down my anger so I can stop being the sole miserable one.  I can find peace in my heart regardless of him.  And I need to, because he’s taking a toll on my health in many ways.  

But... HOW?!  How do I do that when I know, that as they stand, he isn’t going to change. This is also my future.  

The only way I can see forgiving, meaning laying down my anger, is to emotionally just separate even more.  Maybe even grieve the man I thought I married.  Like he’s dead. And somehow try to accept this different man in his place, the one who does not see or know how to put work into a relationship, regardless of whether it’s adhd distraction or selfish laziness.  

I don’t know how to lay down anger over things that will continue on as they have before.  Is healing possible when they just won’t DO anything?