How to get him to listen

I'm recently married to my wonderful husband Vincent and I love him more than anything and although we've been together for over a year now I'm just now beginning to realize how much his ADHD affects our relationship. Even though we are both aware that he has ADHD and I try so hard to understand what he's thinking It's still hard for me to try and communicate my feels to him without making it seem like I'm attacking him. It seems every time I start to try to explain to him that when he does this or that it makes me feel like this he automatically goes into defense mode and forgets why we are talking in the first place and starts saying whatever he can to hurt me or I guess make me feel like the way i'm making him feel. How do I explain to him my feelings without making him respond this way?