Any advice welcomed on what to do when my husband is blaming his ADHD for something that is just really shitty behaviour?
for my birthday this year I had arranged to meet all my friends at a local bar for a Meal and a quiz. My newly diagnosed hubby initially agreed to come and then changed his mind the day before stating many reasons which at the time I wasn't very happy about and was hurt that he didn't want to spend my birthday celebrating with me . He had recently been out with many of his buddies clubbing and to bars but he said he had Realised deep within him that he had many reasons not to want to do that again. His reasons were that he really hates pubs, his dad is an alcoholic, pubs are too loud. And sitting in a bar is boring to him. All very valid reasons and once he had explained I totally supported his decision and planned to spend the next night with him doing something I knew he would enjoy. And be happy to celebrate my birthday doing Fast forward 4 months to a buddy of his birthday, and what does he decide to celebrate by doing?? You guessed it... Going to a pub!!!!! I am completely furious with him. Incredibly hurt that he has had a complete about face and is now blaming his previous decision on being impulsive??!?!?!? What the actual f***?
It wasnt an impulsive decision it was a well thought out (he said so at the time) and informed decision on his part, his reasons and principles were not only valid but also validated and supported by me. I agreed not to invite him to bars as he felt so strongly about it and to find activities he would rather do. I have defended him to everyone who felt as it was my birthday he could have compromised as I often do lots of entertaining for him when I have zero interest. I feel he has treated me incredibly poorly in this situation, I'm trying not to react with anger but I'm seething.
So far since I have told him that I'm upset I have from him had a) defensiveness b) anger c) him trying to turn it around on me d) him blaming ADHD and then e) saying ok you're right I'm wrong.
All of which I have received via a barrage of texts!! There seems to be no apparent thought process behind his words, not any idea of how much his actions have hurt me. I'm mostly pissed of he's blamed his ADHD for this. I don't understand what he hopes to gain by doing so?
Any thought appreciated as maybe I'm just too mad to see why?!