How to get started?

I have so much to say here, but not sure where to start!  All I know is that this is my husband:  He has 90% of these traits!!

He has extreme anger issues .... nasty, aggressive outbursts, says appalling things to me and his behaviour is, on occasions, disgusting.  He has zero tolerance for anything that does not go his way, or does not meet his expectations.  For a long time I thought he was just behaving like a spoilt brat, but it's more than that.   There is something just not right with him .. whether it is depression or a combination of ADD and depression?

He lost his son when his son was a teenager (before I knew him); he was never given any sort of grief counselling or help to deal with that terrible tragedy.  He grew up in a violent household as a child.  He told me that he was hyperactive as a child, had issues in school with learning and lack of concentration.   He lost his brother last year to cancer and he is really struggling now to cope.

I think over his life he has learned a lot of coping skills in order to avoid the things that he finds difficult to do.  He is so creative, talented and smart, but the simple things in life like making a phone call, filling out a form or picking up more than a few things from the grocery store seem to completely overwhelm him. 

I'd like him to speak to a counsellor.  I broached the subject with him recently and it just became a discussion around what everyone else in his life should be doing to fix his problems!

How on earth do I get him to take that first step?  I would really like to have him evaluated for ADD, bipolar, depression or whatever just to get to the bottom of all his anger issues! 

Any suggestions would be appreciated.