How to get thru that thick skull

Hi folks, I have been a lurker on this website for a while as was my ex gf.. now with current girlfriend for 4 months and my ADHD is starting to show in front of her. I have always been upfront and honest about my difficulty struggling with impulse control  as well as the lack of the concept of stopping and thinking before I react sometimes. Anyway, I got us tickets for a few events that I thought she would enjoy going to with me and instead  a lot of problems occurred. Many of which were due to the fact I was rushing to get to the event but more so what I got out of it was the fact that she correctly feels, and so that I do not stop and realize how she is feeling at times and am not attentive to that fact because I am so caught up in my world whether its wanting to rush thru nyc to an event or panicking  because her train is running 10  minutes late and I have bread baking in the oven I don't want to burn so instead of sitting for 10 minutes doing nothing but sitting in my car waiting for her train to pick her up I leave the train station to go home and we get into a little fight. I fail to be attentive and care about her feelings. I really feel like in order for any relationship I have to work I need to find a way for my partner to communicate with me when they see I am getting a little out of control that works and stops me from being so hyper and tense about the situation that I can't relax and it causes problems I need to be able to nip it in the bud. I don't know if anybody out there can shed any advice or techniques or ways, but I know for my own sanity not just for this relationship to work but for me in life I need to find a way to be more accepting when things don't go my way. What could my girlfriend or I have done in that situation to diffuse it before it got so out of hand..


Hey there!

You are my twin, sir.  (except I'm a woman... guess fraternal twin)

one thing you can do with your GF as per Melissa's book is agree on a 'cue' for her to say or do when you are starting to "ADD out" as my husband calls it.  It could be a word, like 'cranberry' or she could tap your arm a certain way or something, just to let you know without getting into a huge discussion about it.  But then... you have to remember not to get upset/insulted.  (that's the hard part for me :-)


Good idea, thanks for the

Good idea, thanks for the advice! I think for me the hard part is going to be actually being able to calm down \ relax / stop stressing after receiving said cue. My therapist highly recommended I start meditating which I am starting to do. I'm willing to try anything as I feel it is really important for me in my life to be able to not get "adhd'd out' during times where I feel I am running late or waiting or angry for whatever reason.. Maybe we can use the keyword chocolate! :)