I recently started seeing someone and while there are many great qualities about him, the way that he behaves in public makes me uncomfortable. I'm having a really hard time wondering if it's worth it to stay, how to talk to him without hurting his feelings or making it seem like I'm trying to change him. Also, I've been feeling guilty and awful that it bothers me this much, and maybe the issue is my own.
How we met was that he saw me sitting at a table and came right up to me and sat down and started to talk to me. He was REALLY talkative and energetic, (and 8 years younger than me) but I found it endearing that he was confident enough to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. He asked me for my phone number before he left and his personality intrigued me, so I said sure. We went out on our first date and it went really well... it was just a little different than I was used to, but mostly in a good way. He was really intense and positive in the way that he talked. He asked incredibly deep questions right off the bat because he instantly wanted to really get to know me. Deep and stimulating conversation is very key to him. He would also listen very attentively but also be fidgeting a little while doing so. Then he starts striking up conversations, loudly, with people sitting next to us. For me, being more of a laid back and quiet person, it was different. I appreciated he was so nice and social but it was a little awkward too. However as weeks passed we spent more and more time together. The conversations are almost always deep and challenging intellectually, which is a positive. He is very sweet, caring, and wants to do things to make me happy. We get along, share many of the same values, want the same things, but I'm having a difficult time getting over certain aspects of his ADHD, mainly how he acts in social situations. He is very loud, sometimes inappropriate, and seemingly feels the need to talk to anyone and everyone when we're out in public. For me, where I don't like to be the center of attention, it can get to be pretty embarrassing and uncomfortable. I struggle with this because I also realize it's my own issues of caring too much what others think. But it's also causing me to be nervous about introducing him to my co-workers, friends and family and I realize that's not good.
He told me he was diagnosed as a child, associated taking adderol with being stupid, became ultra dependent on them throughout his whole life and found that they numbed him emotionally, and that they caused him to calm down to the point of not wanting to socialize. So, he stopped taking them. He understands that his hyperness can be annoying and he's been told that many times. I just don't know how to express my feelings without coming off as hey, I understand you have a disorder but you need to change in order for it to work. I feel awful and like I'm being a b*tch and that I'm wasting an opportunity for a great relationship because of how he makes me feel in social situations.
Am I the only one that experiences and struggles with this? Any advice?