how to handle/support non-ADHD partner


I'm diagnosed since 2 months and together with my girlfriend for almost 10 years, and we have 2 kids.
Unfortunately we are struggling for some years now (not only undiagnosed adhd, but a lot of stuff that got thrown at us from outside)

Since diagnosis and meds, things have been better and actually steadily uphill until the end of last week....
A conversation triggered me (and my girlfriend then of course) and I felt for days like I wasn't taking meds (took my normal dose).

The absolute horror!
Quickly offended, completely forgetful and useless in the household etc., incapable of criticism.
After this s*** weekend then again a real stupid discussion at the beginning of the week.

In any case, both topics were about how I/we want to deal with ADHD and the associated issues.
I would very much like to do this together. Together means for me, together look at what both should adjust or how we can better solve and control emerging problems.
It's very clear to me hat, the adhd is primarily "my" issue and I dont' want her to solve it for me.

Thing is, she is unfortunately also completely exhausted. Already for a longer time, not only because of ADHD. It is simply also very much from the outside on us poured the last few years.

But then she says that she is not my therapist. But I did not expect that. I don't want her to solve my problems and ADHD, only that we solve the effects together (I'm reading "the" book currently ;) )
She also said that she can't worry about the future etc., but has to look at the present and wait for 1,2 years how it develops.
I fear that she is hopeless (although even she said few weeks ago, the meds are really noticable)
What triggered me then and I meant that I do not want to wait simply 1.2 years.
Unfortunately without the addition, which was in my head, that I do not want to wait 1.2 years in this current state.
I wrote that to her the day after, but damaged was done.

While I understand her, that she's completly exhausted, fed up and angry, I have a lot of difficulties that she doesn't want/can't work together with me (she knows what she can improve from her side and tries it), and that her outlook of the (possible) future is not really there.
That she needs a lot of time, and space and is traumatized (just to be clear, I was never violent or anything like that, but unattentive, verbally impulsive and very unable to handle criticism).
But she's not the easiest person either (not to downplay adhd)

I would love to hear your experiences from both sides in similar situations and how you dealt with them.
It's just devastating currently.