Ok, so l have just joined the forum and 30 minutes ago l was pulling my hair out and l thought my head was going to explode. My husband of 22years was repeating the same worries that had been bugging him for the last two years and l was seriously losing it as l give him the same advice over and over again.
Now, 30 minutes later l have regained control. My husband knew he had over run the mark and came to see me in my hideaway where l had retreated ( my bedroom) yes, we have separate rooms, he couldn't sleep , he sits downstairs endlessly, sleeping on and off as he says he can't wind down.
He is a messy hoarder, buys stuff and things to do, generally diy but can take years to complete a job that he starts and doesn't see the rush to finish ( he doesn't see how frustrated it makes me ) we have half done diy projects throughout the house at all times and entertaining is out of the question without lots of apologies for the mess he makes. He doesn't pick up social cues but tries very hard when with "outsiders" and they would never know what happens here at home. He loses his rag , can misinterpret jokes and doesn't get sarcasm, he can damage things, l used to hide( still do sometimes) my most valued things in case a mood takes him, it can, very quickly.
All l have heard about in the last three years( seems to get worse with age and stress levels) is refugees and asylum seekers, he is completely obsessed with them, within 5 minutes of any conversation he returns to this, this is what is doing my head in, because we have different views and he can't see others points of view, he talks non stop and doesn't know when to shut up.
Anyway, l came on here to help if l can, ( and vent !) the things l have found have helped is
1) food,... when hungry it can make moods worse
2) good nutritious food, to help deal with the loads of stress caused by crowds, excessive noise etc
3)darkened rooms, when trying to relax an ADHD or Asperger
4)quiet, take away the excessive stimulus that can make them burn
5) peacetime, allow them time on their own to recharge
6)record their programmes, say what you feel if it's nice, they get it, but they don't get a look, the look may as well not happen
7) don't expect them to wait , they don't get the reason for a build up, they will just think you have forgotten or don't care
8) with the kids, take care of the emotional aspects of their care and praise your ADHD man for getting them physical stuff, they might enjoy that more
9) praise him up, he will believe everything you say, because he only has your words to read since he will miss the nonverbal cues
10) sometimes whatever you say will be wrong, just sit it out , take care of yourself, have another sane person to talk to for conversation
11) work, have some time away from him, it's essential to be able to breathe
this is how l have been helped, we get by, now it's harder as l am looking to retire, l will have to have hobbies that take me away from home to keep my sanity