I believe my husband is an undiagnosed ADD maybe a bit ADHD... I'm wondering if anyone can recognize this behaviour in him. I arrived at this website as I was searching for information to help me understand my husband's communication style. I feel like I want to clobber him on the side of the head and reset his brain. Most of the time I feel like I'm living with a teenager, he hyper-focuses on a new hobby as if nothing else exists and lives in a peter pan world of his own. I can't seem to get through to him, when I try to tell him something I have to pin him down ... i.e. "Fred look at me. Today I have to work late. Can you be home by 3pm, right after work, to take the dog out for a walk?"... and the whole time I feel like he's trying to squirm away and I'm never really confident he is listening. He can't seem to remember to pay a bill on time and squanders his money. I feel if I did not hold things together he would end up back where he used to be living in a rented basement apartment with credit agencies after him. Does this sound like ADHD?
Is this conversation style typical of an ADHD person? His converstaion style gets really extreme if you add the pressure of a disagreement to it and spins out of control in a full on fight. ts as if he can't answer a question directly. He twists topics, is slippery and indirect, and responds to a question with an answer that has no bearing whatsoever on the question being asked, truly as if there is a person I cannot see or hear posing a question that he is responding to . Here's how a conversation might go, though I can't do it justice:
(he went to IKEA to pick up the brown item)
Me: do you think you could have picked up the black item by mistake?
Him, interrupting: that's just stupid. we were there last night and there were 2 colours on the floor, brown & white. I took this from the pile that said brown, are you stupid there are 2 colours, white and brown. I can't believe you asked me that.... (turns his back and walks away to do something he doesn't need to do, to put distance between us).
Me: Ah, well I don't see what MY stupidity has to do with ...
Him, coming back, interupting: I've got 15 things to do and this being brown its not on my list of things. Anyway how would you know, you never do anything around here .
Me: what? that's just weird, what are you saying? I'm asking you if you could have picked up black instead of brown, why can't you just answer a simple question? Does this look brown to ...
Him, interupting: I'm really busy and I've (wanders off ... comes back)
Me. Fred, when I ask you a simple queestion you turn it into an insult session?
Hiim: How many colours were there. Weren't you there last night? 2, right? white and brown. this is brown.
Me: I had not forgotten I was there, but now I'm not talking about brown or black. I'm wondering why its such a chore asking you a ques.....
Him, interupting: Hi puppy! Goes to pet the dog, then walks away, leaving ikea thing in pieces on the floor.
I have not had a meaningful conversatoin with this man, have never seen him finish a book. His obsessions irritate me, its like he's unbalanced. Our relationship started off with hiim being hyper focussed on me, and then it fell off a cliff, as if I'm not here now. He can't plan anything in advance, everything is spur of the moment. If I don't organize a vacation we don't go. I feel he is incapable of doing most things, as if I try to leave it to him it does not get done, or is done wrong. I feel neglected.
There is 0 chance he'd go talk to a doctor, at this point I'd like to know for myself so I can govern myself accordingly. What do you think?