How involved do you get in your mate's treatment?

This seems to be a bit up and down for us and I have a question about this based on my husband's last coaching appt.  First a bit of background.

In discovering that he had a diagnosis of ADD, we worked together very much.  We discussed why we both thought there was a problem.  He definitely thought *something was wrong* with him, and after some time of avoiding it, he did the research and came out saying he thought it was ADD.

I have done more reading than he has.  Definitely more consistent reading than he has, but he has done some research also.  When I find a particularly apropo section of a book, posting on this site, or suggestion for someone; we always discuss it.  I feel we are trying to conquer negative attitudes and habits together in most senses but sometimes he seems very...I don't know how to describe it...protective??  of the work he is doing in coaching.

His initial doctors appt where we got the diagnosis, we were both in the room answering questions for the doctor.   I asked about whether he could suggest a coach, and he said he'd look into it.  After that point, I was never again personally included in his doctor appts though I wanted to be, and my husband said he wanted me to be too.  He told me he asked the doctor about having me there too as I could provide more answers to the questions he was asking, but his psychiatrist told him what they needed to work on initially was his perception of things and that eventually he might include me again or I might be included on *as needed* basis. 

I never met the coach he got through this doctor, but he was the one who was abysmal as far as helping my husband accomplish anything.  We think he has ADD also and he was great with sympathizing, so my husband always enjoyed talking to him but it wasn't a time of anything getting done.  My husband would forget appts, his doctor would say "yeah I figured you just forgot" when he finally called about it, but the doctor never called and reminded him and it would take MONTHS AND MONTHS for my husband to get back into the schedule.  Perhaps partly because I was so hostile to this dynamic, my husband started not really telling me about his appts.  For example, he had homework to fill out a basic time chart of his week, he didnt' do it, his coach said "Yeah I figured you'd forget" and they moved on to something else.  This kind of thing made me furious as it wasn't helping in anyway.   So anyway he didnt talk to me a lot about what went on in the coaching unless I pressed.  When i asked why he was so guarded/protective of it, he would just say he felt the ADD was his problem and he was working on it.  

Fast forward to about 6-8 months ago ( I really need to look up this info so I am more specific), and his insurance changed both his doctor and coach.  It sounds like he has great ones now though I've never met either.  He loves them both, and they do seem to be working with him and checking other things.  For example this is the first doctor to tag his bloodwork to check his Vitamin D levels and they were dangerously low (his insurance requires yearly bloodwork but you have to ask especially for Vit D and other levels to be checked).    His coach has never done this type of coaching before, but she is game to try anything and she has an ADHD son, so she knows her stuff.  She assigns him things to work on which he freely tells me about, and she doesn't let him off the hook if he doesn't do it. 

It has been a long time since he'd seen her.  He is supposed to be scheduled every 2-3 weeks and lately it's been more like 3 (which I don't think is enough but it is all we can do to be covered by insurance), then several times lately she has had emergencies with her private practice patients (bit problems like suicide attempts) and so it has been another 2 weeks until he sees her.  By this time he has not done much of his targetted work with her.

So he is getting back into the routine and we talked together before his last appt and agreed our biggest current problem is communication.  He addressed it with her, he called me as usual as soon as he got out of his appt to tell me it went well,  and told me she has given him some specific conversation tools to work on between now and his next appt.  He hasn't told me what he is supposed to be doing beyond "ask questions and clarify that he really understands what I am saying/asking for".

Doesn't this seem like something we should be working on together?  I mean if I don't know what he is supposed to be trying to implement exactly, how I can help him remember to do so/help him be aware if he is or isn't doing so? 

I am debating whether I should bring this up and talk about why we aren't working together on his coaching exercises or if I should just stay out of it and see what happens.  Frankly, I want to be more involved, but if this is something he feels he should do alone, I can respect that.  However, I don't see how you can work on communication and similar issues alone?

So really my question is how involved are the rest of you in your mate's doctor's appts/coaching appts/treatment plan.  I feel like I was part of forming the treatment plan, but afterwards I kinda have been a bit left out of it.

P.S.  During a 3-4 month period where he was between doctors, we signed up for online group coaching which he did weekly.  This was much more targetted in that she'd tell him, pick one thing you could do between now and next week to show your wife you are serious about clearing up the backlog of your projects.  He'd pick one and she'd give him hints on how to go about tackling it, and then he'd talk with me extensively about it.  It seemed like those things that were more specific adn directed toward things he felt were upsetting ME, were things he included me in much more than what is his more personal work maybe? 

I think you should just stay out of it, at least for now

I think that you should just stay out of it, at least for now, and see what happens.  If you don't see any progress, perhaps then you might ask if he can give you more specifics.  I'm thinking if he can help improve communications misunderstandings without your "help" it might feel like a great accomplishment!

And my sense is that he actually CAN work on communication issues without your knowledge.  You say his coach suggested he ask questions and use clarifying statements to make sure he understands.  My guess is that the coach can then follow up with him and ask him whether he has been asking questions and using clarification, get him to give her examples of how has has, ask if he feels there have been fewer misunderstandings, etc.  And it seems this can all be done without your helping him.

I don't really have any firsthand knowledge of this, though, as my wife does not use a coach and her doctor really isn't "working" with her (to my knowledge) except to prescribe and monitor meds.