After reading many of these threads, it seems a common theme among us "nons" married to ADHD spouses is "the breaking point". It may be after 3 years or 30 years. It could be their diagnosis, finding this site, or a particular incident that gets us to this point. But, it seems like we all have a moment when, after years of being hopeful and thinking it will get better, we realize that this is our life. They won't change. ANd you have to decide if you can live with that or not. I am not saying that things can't change, but no matter how much counseling or what kinds of meds our ADHD spouses take, it will always be a part of them. We will always have to deal with their ADHD symptoms.
I've been married for 13 years and there have been so many moments throughout our marriage. My "point" came at Christmas when DH stormed out of my side of the family's Christmas celebration for something that everyone (except him) found very trivial. It was extremely embarrassing and upsetting for me. How do you explain that to your family??? I have been able to get over other things (eventually), but this one was the catalyst for making me seriously consider separating. But, with two kids, 16 years of being together, and him being the main breadwinner, it is not so cut and dry.
I know hindsight is 20/20, but like many of you, I keep looking back at things and think "how could I have been so naive to marry him?" There were moments when we were dating, but being in my very early 20s, I stupidly thought they were isolated incidents. And why didn't I push the issue of him getting help in the five years we were married before having kids???
The last thing I want is a broken family. This year, I promised I would make myself a priority and I have. I finally saw a doctor about my depression and joined a gym to help me feel better and shed the weight I have gained from self-medicating with food. He said he would go to couple's counseling, so I am in the process of finding someone to see. I'm not sure if it will change anything, but I have to try.
I am not sure where I am going with this thread, but just want to remind all of you non-ADHD spouses that you are strong, and you have to focus on yourself and your happiness. I am thankful to have this site, where even if we don't find a solution, we can vent and share with others in similar situations. It is nice to have someone to talk to who doesn't look at you like you are completely crazy when you tell them about some of the things you deal with by being married to a person with ADHD.