Submitted by LFZ on 08/14/2019.
Hey all,
We got married less than a year and we have a baby boy, 2 months old now. And we are under divorce process for all the problems and challenges that are described in ADHD marriages. I already knew that he was suffering from hyperactivity when he was young and few days ago, i came into an article about ADHD and was illuminated because it was describing exactly it all. But he refuse to accept or listen...how can i convince him just to be opened to this idea and not look as "nagging" plz.
Hello, LFZ,
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Hello, LFZ,
As my wiser, younger Sister said to me: "The only person you can control is yourself".
You cannot "make" (or convince) your husband do anything. He has to come to this on his own. You can give him information and encourage him....and hope he will seek a diagnosis and treatment. Nagging does not work for anyone, ADHD or not. If someone nags me, I go in the opposite direction. I feel for you in your situation. I suppose I have it easier, because my fiancee was diagnosed in childhood, and at 52, manages his symptoms quite well, thanks to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and coming up with a routine that works for him. He did this while in his 30's, when he became tired of living a messy disorganized life.
I cannot make anyone do anything.
Submitted by overwhelmed wif... on
I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles, especially with a newborn in the picture. But as a mother of two older children, I am envious that you are in the divorce process right now. Your life will be better for it.
If you can share this information with him in a compassionate manner and he can hear you, then there is hope. But if he refuses to accept or listen, then you already have your answer, even if it is not the answer you want.
My husband now embraces the fact that he has ADHD, but it turns out that is not enough. He refuses to accept or listen to ways that he can overcome the problems that come with ADHD. And that might be what you will face. Even if you could convince him to be open to this idea, even if he is open to this idea, there will just be a new round of struggles about treatment and then about therapy and then about medication and then about changing his behavior.
The truth is, only he can make these changes. And he can only make these changes if he wants to.
Thank you
Submitted by LFZ on
Indeed, i know i cant convince him to do anything because since we knew each other every time i asked about something, he was always doing the opposite. I do also believe that even if its harder now with a newborn, it is better for the long run, as he is so stubborn, he is refusing to accept it or listen or read anything about it...he will for sure refuse medication because he is a pilot...or even a therapy as he treats me as a crazy person just for having a professional coach... I tried to tell him that is for his own good and for his son...so it looks that i would be suffering my whole life and my child too...
Something else I am scared about is that my son will have it as per some of my readings, it is highly possible and now every time i see my son playing or moving his little hands and feet i cant stop my self on seeing on it signs of hyperactivity already... since you have older kids, do they have ADHD too?
Thanks a lot your answers, I really needed to hear that i am not alone...