So, there are a lot of posts in this area from a lot of really frustrated people (including me).
It's been only a couple of months since I realized it was probably ADHD that was causing most of our problems. Husband agreed to get evaluated, which he did, and he does have ADHD, and was referred to a psychiatrist for meds and/or counseling. The psych appointment is not for another month. Then of course there will be an adjustment period to meds and a learning period from counseling. So it will be awhile before we can expect any results. But, my husband is cooperative even though he doesn't fully comprehend how much of a problem this is for our relationship.
Knowing that there is hope for the future is my lifeline. If my husband were refusing treatment I would be divorcing him. For now, I'm still frustrated with everything but I'm trying to be more understanding and I'm hanging in there in hopes of a better future. I was ECSTATIC when I figured out the problem was ADHD, because there's treatment for that! (It's hard to treat inherent ass-holiness)
My question: Of those of you who are having serious problems with an ADHD spouse, how many of them are in treatment? Are any of your spouses doing all they can with meds and counseling and it's still bad? Or is it mostly the untreated ones that are the most problematic?