How to "move on" after verbal attacks?

My ADHD husband has zero coping skills and has a tantrum whenever things don't go his way. I will do pretty much anything to avoid engaging him in a fight but I'm only human and it happens. When we argue he has a tendency to scream that he hates me and wants me to leave. I never leave because I tell myself he's "not himself" and he doesn't mean it. When he calms down he will usually apologize and say he didn't mean it. But lately I've been struggling to believe him when he apologizes. I've told him that the things he's said to me in anger are hard to forget, even though I honestly try. But when he says the same awful things repeatedly its hard. Also, like most ADHD partners, I am ignored quite a bit as a general rule so I never feel like I'm getting that reassurance I need. All of this makes me very sad and insecure. When I try to talk to him about my feelings he accuses me of bringing up old drama or he says that I don't know how to "just be happy". When in truth I am unhappy for these reasons. So I was wondering how you guys handle the verbal abuse? Do most ADHD people apologize or is this just my husband?  I should also note that when he does apologize for his cruel words/actions against me, its a quick formality, you can tell he is not actually concerned for my emotional well being at all. He just doesn't want to deal with me. I take what I can get and grab the "peace". But I'm struggling to find any in my heart. I love my husband very much and won't leave him unless he truly wants me to. But who knows how he really feels. A lot of times I feel like I'm not a "real" person to him, like in his mind I don't have feelings or its okay to treat me in ways he would NEVER stand for being treated himself. Also he will express geniune regret to me aftrr he has lashed out at a family member or coworker. He is able to feel regret and compassion for others, although not as often as most people would. Its still much more common than showing any kind of regret for hurting me. Anyway. How do you soothe yourself? How do you pick yourself back up and feel okay? I could really use some pointers.