How to reset without going back to counselling?

We've been to loads of counselling and it does help but I'd rather avoid that right - mainly because the issue relates to sex and I really don't want to talk about that with another person in the room, we barely manage it with just us. I'm the (female) ADHD partner, freshly diagnosed & a bit relieved.

My husband stopped initiating sex aeons ago because I rejected him too often - not that I was aware of - and leaves it up to me. My perception is that if he initiated I was able to respond and enjoy it.

However, he wants me to initiate because I desire him, and not because I'm relaxed, have had a wine or two, or watched a romantic movie. So by the time I've analysed why I'm feeling frisky I've killed any desire. 

There are times when I'd like to have sex with him, but when he walks in the room I don't get a surge of "take me now" and I find it completely absurd that he'd think that of me. It's much more likely that it would be a nice way to end a nice evening that we've had.

Any hints on how to start afresh, with him feeling ok about initiating? and ok about me having external libido lifters?