My boyfriend and I were on the verge of ending our relationship when I found Melissa's book. We were both amazed and so hopeful when we first read it. It was truly a biography of our relationship.
I have had a very hard time controlling my anger and emotions. I understand that I need to control my anger, but honestly I am confused. I do not know the correct way to react to my boyfriend's bad behavior. He has improved on several things himself, but he still forgets/ignores/etc. These past 2 weeks, I have really tried to work on MY end, and you know what? I feel a little better and we both agree I’m improving as well. But I still feel get the feeling that he is “getting away with” the stuff he doesn’t have to do. So what should I do/say?
I have 2 examples:
1) We don’t live together, so we don’t really have “chores” we each take care of. I clean my house, he cleans his. However, the book suggests that the ADHD spouses “chooses” a chore that will symbolize the work they are putting into the relationship (I cannot recall exactly where in the book right now, but near the beginning). My boyfriend said since he can’t do a chore, then his “chore” will be to go to the gym every day (or at least 6-7 days a week). I thought it was a good idea too, since it is something that will benefit us both and I guess could be seen as a chore to some.
Now. He hasn’t gone to the gym in about 10-11 days. He has started a new semester in school, and I understand that he is busy and tired with homework and class. However, I also know for a fact that he spends several hours online a day browsing and talking on forums about his project car. I know a couple nights last week he stayed out until 2 am with friends. Last night I told him I was very disappointed and that I don’t want to see him until he can get himself back in control. This sucks, because I want to see him, he wants to see me, but I don’t know what else to do here!
2) There have been several occasions where he promised to do something and just didn’t. When I get really mad/upset at him for ruining a part of my day, he tells me I shouldn’t get so upset. “But we had plans for you to make dinner and you spent too long working on your car, so I had to make dinner myself!” If I shouldn’t get so upset, then how should react? is what I ask him. And he says he doesn’t know.
So that’s why I’m here. He doesn’t have an answer, and I’m going crazy. What do I do?????