We had been planning to take a vacation together in the summer, but he said he wanted to wait until November so he could have more time off. November was my thirtieth birthday, so I thought that would be perfect to celebrate. In October, I told him to give me his share of the money for the vacation and after much prodding, he did. I told him if he didn’t want to go, he didn’t have to. He told me he’d give me the money after he asked for the time off.
I went ahead and booked the vacation and made the plans. The day we were supposed to leave, after he had brought over a suitcase (which I think in retrospect was empty) and his passport the night before, as I was getting ready for the flight, he told me he had to tell me something.
He told me he had forgotten to ask for the time off and could not risk getting fired by not going to work for a week. I was devastated and had a complete meltdown, crying, shaking, and in shock. I spent the next five days crying off and on. I stayed with my father (my mother was out of town) and slept next to him every day because I was so badly shaken. My friends took me out to dinner on my birthday, which was Friday. My parents have said that it is obvious we need to break up.
He says he doesn’t know why he did it. He says he knows his ADHD caused it. He apologized profusely. He said he would get treatment.
After all of this, and after having seen progress in his life, I have no idea what to do. Throughout all of this, he has told me his ADHD has caused all of his problems, but he only would take medication and go to occasional CBT. It’s obvious that this is not going to be sufficient in the long run. I just have no idea what to do because I am afraid now that I will not have a husband and a family if I stay with him, as he feels he is not ready to get married right now and I guess I can see that he’s not. But we love each other and have stuck it out through everything that has happened. I don’t know if I’m ready to give up, but I am damn close.
Does anyone have any possible insight into this situation?