I am not sure if I am angry anymore. I am so exhausted from this relationship that I do not even have the capability of being angry anymore.
I am living with a man that I am totally in love with - we have been together for over 2 years, and lived together for almost 1 year. We both have great jobs and many hobbies. He has suffered from ADD his whole life, but only in the last year or so has he been interested in looking for a 'solution'. Our relationship has been full of hardships, fights, and disagreements on everything from sex to commitment, but only in the last few weeks have we both agreed that my partners ADD has been a catalyst for most of the issues we have had.
He has started taking Adderall which seems to help his focus but he also seems to think that the medication will solve his problems on its own.
Recently - we have had a breakdown. I have been recently struggling with an alcoholic parent (who was sober for 25 years - before I was born) so my world has been flipped upside down. It seems impossible for him to support me because he cannot 'think' or imagine how I feel, he does not have the attention to listen to how I feel, and I think he has so many of his own thoughts and feelings that he does not necessarily care how I feel. I also know that his mindset is if he cant do anything to fix a problem, then he wont do anything at all.
I have told him that there is nothing to fix, nothing to solve, just to support me. Somehow - a month into my mess he decided that I have been using him as an 'emotional punching bag'. All I did was share my feelings with my best friend...
This brought us into an awful low - and we have slowly started to rebuild it... I have begun reading up on ADD and remembering why he does and says the things he does. He has begin taking medication. Everything seemed like it was on the right track, untill.................He told me he wanted (I think he said NEEDED) a $200 BB Gun...... I thought he was an adult? He would not let it go for days, just like any child that wants a toy. I told him to go get it if he needed it so bad, and that it is great to do something nice for yourself every once in a while, but it would be really nice if he thought about how buying it would make me feel, and think of a way to make me feel good about it. We had a conversation about being selfish and selfless and how they go hand in hand in a relationship
I think we all know what happened - he bought it - he loves it - he played with it all weekend. My feelings never crossed his mind.
And you can probably guess what was next - I told him that It hurt my feelings by buying it and not going out of his way to do anything for me. This turned into WWIII and ended up with him saying he was going to return it.... (because that would make me feel better right! haha)
I am lost and confused. I need a partner not a child, and I deserve to feel loved. There is so much letting things go, forgiving, looking past, ignoring, and giving breaks when you are with someone like this.
I dont think I even have a question.... just why? why is this so hard?