Well, we’ve been doing so well…my husband and I…and then, yesterday happened. I know it shouldn’t have thrown me like it did but I we’ve been making so much progress that I thought …well, I guess I just thought THIS day would be different.
I am a mother. One of the best mothers I know. I wear that as a badge of honor because being a present, engaged, good mother is the most difficult jobs on the face of the earth. Especially when you work and you also have spent WAY too many hours mothering the adult in your house. Granted, I have dropped off of the mothering role for my husband tremendously but there’s still a bit of it there.
Yesterday, I had planned a family dinner at our house and invited my family. Husband was very much on boards with this. We had a terrific ADHD coaching session on Saturday and I went to sleep excited about Sunday being mothers day. My 4 year old daughter woke up first (she’s our only) and he didn’t stir when she asked for b-fast and such. So, I thought, ok no big deal, I have lots to do to prepare for dinner tonight so I will get up with her and just start my day. That was at 6:30am. I then did 3 loads of laundry, helped her make a necklace, took a shower and played three games with her. Finally, my husband stired to turn on the TV and become engrossed in Formula 1 racing. He never said good morning let alone Happy Mothers day. Cut to the chase, I ended up taking my Daughter with me shopping and as I was leaving was deliberately leaving without saying goodbye. He “called” me on this and I walked over to him in bed and calmly said, through tears spilling down my cheeks, I don’t want to hug or kiss you right now because it’s inconceivable that I haven’t even gotten so much as a Happy Mothers Day out of you this morning. We’re leaving, we’ll be back later”. He said “I’m sorry, Happy Mothers Day”.
In bed at 10:30 I still hoped there was something coming (such a stupid idiot I am) and when he rolled over to go to sleep I realized that there really was nothing…not from him..not something he and Daughter went to buy for me…NOTHING. I flipped out. I don’t mean screaming and throwing things but I cried harder than I have ever cried in my entire adult life. I almost hyperventilated. He was defensive at first but finally just let me lay it all out and all I kept hearing was “sorry” from him. I believe he meant it. But he also just kept saying that he has no idea why he does this…why he can’t seem to do for me what he knows would give me happiness. He said he loves me but he just “forgets”. He said it’s not intentional and hopes that I can forgive him yet again.
My eyes are so swollen that I lied to a co=worker when she asked me what was wrong with my eyes today and I said it was allergies. I am doing my best to not let this fester and to just get on with getting on but this is REALLY hard. Please give me some words of comfort or advice. I know that this is my life with him. I know he has made some HUGE steps in our marriage and personally accepting and actively working on living with his ADHD. I am doing the best I can trying to be patient and loving but days like yesterday are just simply almost more than I can bare. I just pray that I’m only a few of us on this board that had to endure a day like yesterday.