Hello,
New here. I realized 2 years ago that my husband most likely has ADHD and that it was at play in our marriage. He very begrudgingly got a quick assessment from a therapist - a multiple choice questionnaire in the waiting room - and then was told he has anxiety. I let it go.
Cut to, two marriage counselors, one marriage retreat, and individual therapy and I can't get past that this is still at play. I am almost done listing to the book and it is EXACTLY us.
I will be bringing this up in the most careful and loving way I can in therapy on Tuesday with him.
I am afraid he will be so angry at me bringing it up again that he will refuse to even consider it.
Any advice on how to present this in a way to encourage curiosity and openness in order to save our marriage?
Thank you in advance.
Rockstarchi
Hopefully therapist will make a difference.
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
One would hope that having the therapist there would make a difference but there are no guarantees. (If your therapist does not have significant training and experience with ADHD patients then getting intervention regarding ADHD is less likely.) Does your husband routinely get angry when you attempt to have such a discussion. Consider reviewing Woodson regarding the possibility of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
Suggestion....Be wise with it....
Submitted by c ur self on
Forget the "Why's" that is going on in your mind...(ADHD)...If that is the case, it will be identified in due time by the therapist/counselor etc...You should not be diagnosing your spouse, no more than you and I would appreciate them doing that to us...(IMO) You should stick solely to unacceptable behaviors...The list might contain such items as: an inability for calm verbal communication, lack of ownership, (denial) intrusiveness, abandoning, laziness, unhealthy emotions, refusal of personal or marital responsibilities...Consider your self...You're own issues, and your reactions to his behaviors, etc....
Many spouses who look to mother and diagnose their spouse, (esp. where anger is present) gets very little consideration in a counselor's office...We have to understand how demeaning our behaviors can be....We can leave, no one is tying us to a partner who justifies a life style that is intrusive or irresponsible to their vow's and the daily work of a marriage relationship...
But I suggest you be patient, and do all you can to help keep a calm and healthy dialog going...As long as the truths of his living realities (and your own) can continue to surface in front of trained counselors, you at least have an opportunity to confront choices, life styles, and difference's...Only way to gain ground is awareness, And awareness can never be forced....No one changes who thinks they are fine...It's difficult to put ourselves in others shoes...It's impossible if we are given excuses not to...(non-acceptance...disrespect...etc.)
Be wise...
c