My husband makes up rules that drive me nuts. They mostly seem convenient to him.
For example, one day he called and left me a message that he was really hungry and hadn't had lunch. I took that to mean he wanted me to cook dinner and have it ready when he came home. No problem. But when he actually got home I was in the middle of dealing with 2 dishes and asked him to start the vegetable. He said "Not now, I"m in the middle of a game." Now, to me, there aren't any consequences for a paused or abandoned solitaire game. I said "Do you want the vegetables after we've eaten the rest of the dinner?" and he didn't answer me. I was violating the rules by expecting household tasks to be more important than computer solitaire.
There are things I can not do because I have physical problems. For example, I can't get up the ladder to the attic. But he says he can't go there at night because it has no light (It's May and it's not dark until after 8 o'clock) and on the weekend he "wants to relax." So our winter clothes are still in the closet and I can't hang up the summer clothes, so we're dressing out of the dryer.
The rule seems to be, "I'm too tired to do anything in the house after I come home" which of course, means I am expected to do it all. Then on weekends, it's "I want to have fun on the weekend" which means doing something outside of the house and not tackling any household tasks. When is it I can expect any help from him? It is painful for me to walk. Why am I expected to do all the housework and even mow the lawn? Mowing the lawn doesn't fit into the "rules" about when I can expect help around the house. The same rules apply to when we can discuss the problem, apparently never.
He says it's not because of the ADD, but just because we are both slobs. But he makes up these rules that make it sound like 10 minutes of helping every other week would be too much. I don't have the alternative of doing it all myself and his rules don't allow him to do it, or even discuss it. We don't have the money to hire someone to put the out-of-season clothes in the attic, and we live in a rented house so I can't make bigger closets.
So how to I get any help from him?