Up until last summer, we really only needed one car. I either worked from home or our work schedules were such that we could use the same car or he'd take his motorcycle. Well I got a full time job in August and we worked basically both the same hours and he couldn't take the motorcycle in crappy weather so we bought a used car in October. DH insisted the entire time that we would get a stick shift car. I have no idea why he insisted on that since I have never driven one, but he said we were definitely getting one. All I could think is "That is really really stupid to get this car that I can't drive". He made a big deal about how now when he needs to take the truck to tow the trailer to the racetrack for a weekend that I don't have to come with him (because I don't really enjoy going to the track) and can drive down for one day and go home afterwards.
Well we've had this car for 6 months. I have heard 10 times about how he needs to teach me to drive it and how we are going to do that on the weekend. Well every weekend goes by and not one mention of teaching me. First race of the year is next weekend so he said this past weekend that he definitely needed to teach me to drive it so that I can come down on my own or just have transportation for the weekend. Well Saturday morning we went somewhere and he goes "Oh I was going to teach you to drive this today wasn't I? Well maybe we'll do it tomorrow." Well Sunday came and went and not one mention of it. Even if I did get a quick lesson on it does he really think I'm going to drive it myself 2 hours to meet him? He is the LAST person I want to teach me anyways because I know 2 minutes in he is going to be yelling at me and getting frustrated.
Was getting a car that I can't drive the dumbest idea ever? I may even have to miss out on work on Friday because he wants to leave for the track right from work with the truck and if I can't drive the car, I can't go to work!
"bright" ideas
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Things such as this sometimes happen in my household. I think of them as my husband's "bright" ideas, those that seem wonderful to him for some reason but are very inconvenient for me. The one I can think of right now is his habit of storing in high, hard-to-reach places, items that I (a short person) need access to, such as putting the computer router on a rafter in the basement (cue the video of me realizing the computer isn't working; calling the Internet provider; being told to check the router; running downstairs; realizing I need to get a stepstool; going back upstairs to get it; carrying it down the steep steps to the basement; going back into the dark room where the router is on the rafters; trying to hold the phone with one hand while standing on the stepstool and looking at the router, which I can't actually pull down to my level because the cables are too short).
more bright ideas
Submitted by dedelight4 on
The stick shift car is a pretty unrealistic idea, I'll give you that, and it's similar to something my DH would come up with.My ADHD husband is always getting new ideas that make life VERY inconvenient, but they are 'GREAT IDEAS' when he first comes up with them.
My husband wanted to make another entrance to our attic and was going to put a "walk in" door through the upstairs family room. (since the bessler stairs in the hallway are so hard to walk up and use sometimes) Well, it sounded like a nice idea, but I was hesitant for him to do it, because I wasn't sure it would be done correctly OR properly. He was supposed to put in a full doorway ( with a door that locks) for easier access to the attic. He cut a hole in the wall to the attic, but it's only 3 feet high. You have to CRAWL on your hands and knees to get into the attic. PLUS, there is no door yet, just a big open hole with a bunch of boards across the front of it. I don't know how we are supposed to use a door 3 ft high anyway. It's been almost a year now, and I am scared that our little granddaughter is going to find the hole and get in the attic one of these days, which is a very dangerous place. Since he wouldn't listen to any input from me on this, he got his own way and we now have a giant hole in our family room. Nice idea...not so nice follow through.
Sorry you are going through this
Submitted by Djadechen on
Ugh, that's frustrating. It's like they have tunnel vision.
Mine wants to buy a two door convertible BMW...really? We have 2 kids! How are they going to get in and out without constantly asking me to fold my seat forward? Actually, it might be a two seater so we never drive that car except for him only. Not to mention the lack of trunk space for when he has to go grocery shopping instead of me? This is despite the fact that we don't have the money for it!
Maybe ask him to change his car to automatic?
Fun Boy
Submitted by jennalemon on
The year our son was born, dh came home with an MGB. We could hardly pay our bills much less buy new things. He said he was depressed and needed something for himself. He said, "Didn't I love him enough to let him have SOMETHING?". (A new wife and child were not enough?) He also is a salesman flirt and drank a lot. I didn't know what was going on but he was staying out nights while our son and I were trying to get along without a car in a tiny flat not being able to pay the bills. I stayed because I had no options at the time. I finally brought my son to a sitter, worked full time, bought a small station wagon, paid the bills and took over being the mother and father to the three of us. He acted juvenile. Then he had a nervous breakdown after he broke his ankle. The secretary he was chummy with was at the hospital one day visiting him. He went to a psychiatrist for depression which cost more than we were making at the time. I asked him what we could do to make him better. He said to move to the countryside. He said that the city was too overwhelming to him. I said I would die out in the country. He said try it for a year, if you don't like it, we could move. I found a house and we moved. Now I was isolated from friends and he worked in the city. I was giving 150% to family. He took more than he gave. He said if I wanted to move back, I could go move alone.
There seems to be no concept of value or money or time to my Dh. It is all impulse and what he can get away with today. This makes a spouse extra diligent to have things in order and not go goofy and happy into the night with them. When I would have substantial money saved for investment, he would take off of work and spend it. He made no investments for 25 years. I am ashamed of my lack of options and lack of courage and lack of love for myself.
These were the days people actually used the words "welfare mom" and "bastard" to describe a "broken" family and women were expected to stop working before they "showed" and women made half as much money as men and the jobs available were secretary or sales clerk and there were no "nursery schools".
My mom told me to "hang in there". No support from family. They liked dh. He is jokey and carefree. I am a wearied hag.
My point is..... Learn from our writings. This could be you if you "permit" your child-husband to buy big expensive toys at the expense of family needs, If you watch him have his lone, personal fun and free time taking away from your family well-being , forgive and forgive and forgive hoping and praying that one day he will be appreciative and love you, you will be disappointment in yourself. Have your own self respect.
A few months ago, Dh said to me, "What did you ever do for me.?" During our marriage he would say often, "If you loved me you would.......". I always wanted to be loving to my family as a priority....He was manipulating me and he could get me to be crazy with loving things I did for him.
He doesn't realize. He doesn't remember. He changes the realities of history in his mind. I am no more to him than someone who stood in the way of his "having fun".