Why does my husband do this? My husband is a bit of a know-it-all. He will go on and on about something for which there really is no reason for him to know that much about the particular hting he is talking about because he's never had much experience with it or anything...I feel like "I don't know" is not part of his vocabulary but it should be a part of everyone's vocabulary! How hard is it to stop and consider "I don't really know the answer to that with certainty" and to respond "I dont know"? It is particularly frustrating when it comes to things that relate to my line of work. I don't get why rich, successful people trust my opinion about my particular line of work and pay hundreds an hour for my legal advice, but my own husband will argue up and down with me.
A very simple example was today, when he was talking about selling his car. I mentioned that he needs to have a notary for the title and he insisted it doesnt need to be notarized. AFter arguing vehemently for that position, he looks it up on like, cars.com or something and is like ok it needs to be notarized. I don't get it. I dont know everything but I do work in property law and do peoples wills and contracts and everything - wouldn't logic win out and him say ok she may know a thing or two about the basics of transferring a vehicle title? What in the world do I do in these situations?? We are also in the process of saving for a house and the same thing - every conversation about mortgages, property title insurance, etc., if his "impression" of the way things work contradicts what I tell him, he has to vehemently argue his position. I generally know when to answer "I dont know" when I dont really know the truth about something, and if my impression every contradicts a friend or relative or acquaintance who is an expert in that area, I dont start arguing blindly with them....i respect that their opinion most likely is the correct one versus my loose impression of something with which i may have little or no real experience.
AHHHHHH sorry! We've been together for 6 years, and I feel like he pointlessly argues about so much, with me or others and doesn't listen. The most upsetting part about it is not that hes arguing with me, it's that hes a smart hardowrking guy and I feel like he just sells himself short by jumping to things and not listening and keeping his eyes and ears open to others and everything.
Submitted by OccupyLove on
My husband does that sort of thing, too, and to make it even worse, he can easily forget that he ever said something. So he'll tell me to do something that doesn't completely make sense to me. I'll ask him for clarification, which will irritate him, so I just go ahead and follow his directions, only to be met with being treated like an idiot because obviously he didn't mean that/what I did made no sense/he would never have given those directions.
Or he does it about things that really don't matter. Like once I joked about how I was so full that my stomach might burst and kill me like the child in the movie The Emigrants who ate bread dough. My husband went on and on about how nobody's stomach ever burst from eating raw dough and even something like how there was no movie called The Emigrants, anyhow. It was in a tirade of a verbal attack, otherwise I would have laughed.
So tired and angry.
Submitted by kathy1208 on
YES - the forgetting what he said thing - oh my gosh. My husband, whatever "opinion" he blurts out in the moment, he has to be vehement and passionate about, even if its just a total whim of an opinion, and i know that many of his opinions are pure whims bc of the rate at which they change he forgets what they even were.
We bought three short shelves to stain and after we bought them we realized we wanted to buy a longer, fourth one for the other wall. I said - so I guess we should stain these and see if we like how they turn out and if they're ok, go buy that one?
Husband: NO DEFINITELY NOT! We should DEFINITELY go buy the fourth FIRST and stain them all at once (and here is where he goes on the long rant as to why that is better, which wasnt necessary bc i wasnt arguing with him but thats how he is). I say ok, then we will get to Lowe's next week for that.
One week later I say: Ok so should we stop by Lowe's for that fourth shelf before we stain them?
Husband: no why do we have to do that?! we should stain these and see how we like them first.
Me: Do you know why I suggested that?
Me: Because LAST WEEK i said stain first and you insisted we do all four at once! I am TRYING to go along with what YOU wanted to do, REMEMBER?!?!?!?!?
AHHH! haha. Seriously, that is one of a MILLION stories like that.
oh, yes, know this too
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Yes, I've heard this too. I'll agree to the fact that my ADHD husband DOES know quite a few things. He has a PhD in music education, but it's the common sense things that are lacking. My daughters and I always get lectures on how something / ANYTHING is supposed to be, or get put together, etc.......and it can only go the way HE says it can. There have been MANY times he's been DEAD WRONG, but that doesn't stop him. When he GETS proven wrong by a professional on say, the air conditioning, he will blame his "misinformation" on someone else. It's NEVER HIM. The worst things are his cock-eyed views on certain issues, and we look at each other in disbelief. But, to disagree with him causes a tirade of verbal assaults. I REALLY WISH that would change, but after this long, I know it's not going to.
Yes, I just thank god for the
Submitted by kathy1208 on
Yes, I just thank god for the interet....at least at the times he insists something (and it's wrong) and it's a basic fact, I can go look it up and show him.
That stuff bothers me the most when I know that if he stopped and think for a second he'd have NO WAY to know if what he was saying is right - it is like they treat guesses and assumptions as PURE, ACCURATE, FACT and argue them as such to the death, no matter how much it doesn't matter and everyone else is telling them they're wrong and may have a legit reason to know the truth.
The good thing for him is that he is in sales and he does really well - I guess this trait is helpful there.
Yep...mine is, too!
Submitted by reliable_wife on
My husband is the same way. The worst part of him being this way is how he ends up irritating anyone who comes around to fix something. For example, the air conditioning repairman -- husband follows him all around outside and in the attic while he's trying to work on a problem, and DH is telling him what he thinks the problem is, and how he would do it himself but he just doesn't have the time or the tools to do it. He's the same way with car repairs. It always ends up with him irritating the crap out of the mechanic being treated to his "I'm sooooo smart, I could do it myself, I just don't have the time..."
And usually, the repair is happening because he has already spent countless hours trying to fix it himself and hasn't been able to. But once the problem has been fixed by the expert, DH is the one who knew what was wrong with it in the first place and his contribution in diagnosing the issue is the only reason said expert was able to fix the problem.
all too familiar
Submitted by ccote60 on
MIne does this at least once a week or every other week. He also uses medicinal marijuana which makes him forget. Its like arguing with a brick wall. We argued over primary / secondary colors and why you need to know them, this lasted 20 minutes. 4 months later after another one of his I know everything arguments, he had audacity to ask what the primary colors were, etc. I told him look it up on google. Prior to that I said thought you didn't need to know the information. It has gotten to a point I record (when in person) screen shot texts our arguments. He has some issues for sure. He suffers from insomnia and anxiety which most of the time he brings upon himself because instead of just agreeing to disagree he argues to death. He even argued with me about something that had nothing to do with him (it was from me from a decade ago) this lasted hours... he will try to use manipulations and gaslight by putting words/events in my mouth that occurred. I laugh and show him recordings. Then he goes off and cowers. Theres some narcissism for sure. But I just ignore him mostly.
His 8 year old daughter from prior relationship is just as bad. I actually pulled her aside and asked if she'd talk to her mother like that. Respect, child. She now no longer enjoys spending time with me. She manipulates him and he allows her to get away with it because he feels a guilt from the divorce. No dad, you're raising a bratty B*%$H