Husband Left Me, Does Not Recognize ADHD As An Issue


I am new to this community. I am a 37 year old woman, a mother of two teenagers and have been married for 15 years-together for 20 years. My career is as a social worker in child protection and I have been in this field for around 13 years. My husband and I got together in high school and at the time, I did not know that he had ADHD nor would I have understood it being so young. As we aged together, he shared that he has ADHD and was diagnosed as a child and medicated for a short period of time. My husband did not stay on the medication as he said that he did not like the way it made him feel. My husband comes from a divorced family where his father cheated on his mother and then left the family home when he was 13 years of age by leaving a note on the table. My husband never received therapy to deal with this. As we grew up, had children and started to establish our adult lives things started to show in my husband. For instance he could never stay on task, lacked motivation to do anything such as clean the garage or cut the grass. There was limited assistance with daily chores and children. He could never keep a job and either quit or got fired. He has held the same job for 14 years now, which is great and I am very proud of him. He has angry outbursts that come out in rage over the littlest things such as not being able to get what he wants such as material items. He feels that he has nothing which he does (truck, snow machine) and that I have controlled the things he wants to do such a RC racing. I attend the races and cheer him on, however I do limit the spending as its tons of money. I have watched him not get his way at a race and throw a RC car across the track in front of small children. He recognized some of these symptoms and decided to go on medical marijuana and not actual therapy and medication. His daily weed intake increased from 5g to an ounce a week, perhaps more to cope. At the beginning of December he walked out on me. I had no warning. He stated that he lost the "in love" feeling for me and that i am controlling, we don't communicate and need therapy. I set therapy up and we are attending separately as of right now. He moved in with his biological father who is the person who walked out on him. My husband blames me for hating his job, and him not being able to do what he wants. We have spoken a few times on the phone but he gets angry and says he needs to learn to be a better man but all he does is snow machine and is on a weight loss kick. Then he yells and says I want a divorce and laughs but then on the other hand does not want one and is angry when I set up a mediator. I love my husband and I know that he needs further treatment and medication. I do not feel you do not love your wife after 20 years when the week before he left he was leaving me love notes. Our therapist also informed me that this is common in ADHD and that he is emotionally putting walls up rather than dealing with his issues. Has anyone else went through this? I am an emotional wreck and want my husband back. I know that our home will need to change and I will need to respond better to him due to the ADHD as our youngest daughter also has ADHD. Please help.