My ADHD husband has been run over by a car as a pedestrian, hit about 3-4 times as a bicyclist, and someone just hit his car yesterday. While I haven't been present at these events, I have been n the car with him and I've seen the way he drives and makes people angry. (ie: get off my butt, I can go slower if you want, or no, you will not pass me) He tells me stories almost every day about "some jerk" who cut him off when he was on his bike, someone who turned right in front of him in the bike lane without looking or acted like they didn't see him and almost hit him, and times when he yells at people for doing these things and they almost always yell obscenities at him or a couple of times have gotten out of their cars to beat him up. While I agree 100% that there are people who mistakenly think bicycles should not be on the road, and know that he's a pretty good rule follower, better than most, in fact, I also know that he tends to get righteous and when he sees someone almost doing something wrong, or perceives that someone is about to, wants to or just doesn't like him, he will push them to getting angry or push them over the edge. There is a part of me that can feel sympathy for him in these situations, but another part of me always wonders what he did and what his responsibility is in the situation. When he tells me the story, he almost always paints himself as so far in the right.
Last night, we were sitting on the couch and I reached behind me to get a small pillow that had fallen onto my back and when I pulled it out, accidently brushed by his face and he angrily yelled, "OW!!!" I was surprised by his overreaction and said playfully, "Aw, that didn't hurt!" Then he took my glasses and banged them up and down on my face to demonstrate what his experience had been, and I was ready to punch him, it made me so mad! It hurt, and although I concede that what I felt when I pulled the pillow past him and it touched him may not have been enough to inform me of his experience, I am SURE the pillow did not do that to his face-at most, it could have bounced his glasses a little, but certainly not enough to make him yell that loud. I felt so angry the rest of the night, I could barely sleep. Angry at his infantile overreaction and angry that he had touched me in such a mean way, when all he had to do was say, "Watch out" or something mild. This is not the first time he has reacted physically. He has thrown a tree branch at me while we argued, he has pushed me a few times, and I am wondering if this is how it will be or if it will get worse. We have been married 15 years. I know these two paragraphs are about different things, but my intuition tells me they are related in some way. I get the feeling that he somehow enjoys being able to get mad, and will create situations to allow him to. Thoughts?