I've been lurking on this site reading posts and getting some support for a lot of the issues that my husband has, but of course, no two situations are exactly alike, so I've finally come to the conclusion I needed to get on here and ask a question myself.
My husband and I are a young couple. We have a 3 year old daughter (who I am already beginning to worry has ADHD), and a son on the way (he's due in July). Unfortunately, my story is like most others. Our dating lives were wonderful. So full of love and happiness as long as we were together. Then after about a year or so of marriage, things changed. Well, maybe I should backtrack and say that things were very hard during our first year of marriage and beyond because his ADD quite literally destroyed things almost instantly, but I still loved him and hey, everyone makes mistakes, right? Of course, at the time, I had no idea how damaging ADD/ADHD could be on a relationship. I just thought he was unbelievably irresponsible, and never followed through on his promises. He was diagnosed with it as a child, but his mother abruptly stopped the medication when she could no longer afford it. His living situation only got worse though and so that didn't help him at all. It was as if his family just ignored that he had the problem, and they STILL do!
Well now I can say the following things have happened to us, due to his ADD: We've had a nasty house everywhere we've lived together, and I mean unbelievably nasty. Our credit is ruined because he won't stop maxing out the cards, even after I worked hard to pay them down many MANY times. He hasn't been able to hold a job and has made no recognizable progress up the career ladder, jumping from field to field. Now he delivery drives for a pizza restaurant. He forgets everything. He's irritable constantly and usually in denial about anything he may have done. He has destroyed our leased vehicle...which he also suggested we purchase. He drives very badly. He sleeps very late and is always "tired" when he wakes up, lolly gagging in bed for up to an hour before he budges to do anything (he also talks in his sleep and has trouble waking up aware of what is going on, such as reaching for a phone that isn't there, or mumbling nonsensical things). He is conceited and believes he is always right. He and I have lost many friends. He has been arrested because he has an unhealthy attachment to his friends and will do just about anything to have someone need him, listen to him, or be around him. He has no sense of boundaries when it comes to having women friends who blatantly disrespect my place as his wife and call him to talk about their relationship problems, ask for rides to places, etc. He thinks this is normal and okay and gets angry when I say anything about it. Funnily enough, he is really and truly NOT romantically interested in these women...but they see an inch and take a mile with him because of his kindness, not even realizing themselves that he is simply just wanting to be the guy that people come to for help because he likes being right about things and knowing everything, and while he loves pets, he neglects their needs constantly whenever we've had them. It got so bad with one dog we had that the city served us with a warning because our neighbors got so fed up with the situation! He also spontaneously adopted a dog which didn't get along with my dog, which I'd had since early teenage-hood, and I was forced to rehome my dog because he had become traumatized by our new situation with my husband and the other dog who constantly tried to dominate my dog (my dog was a dachshund, the adopted dog some sort of shepherd mix). My husband would always blame my dog for anything that happened around the house...though these things weren't happening BEFORE the spontaneously adopted dog. He'd even leave them for hours without taking them for walks so he could go swimming. I'd come home to poop and pee covered floors after a 12 hour shift working in a hospital lab and newly pregnant with my daughter. He was unemployed at the time.
I know this is long winded. Trust me it would be longer if I could explain everything in detail, but too much has happened in 6 short years! I can't even wrap my head around it. So as far as the mindfulness meditation. It took a lot of work from me to finally get him to stop being angry about my suggestion that he should seek help for his ADD, but finally he is admitting to it, along with some depression issues he thinks he is having, which I believe. I have contacted many therapists, and even suggested he reconsider medication, but because of his bad experience with the medication as a child (apparently a huge dosage of meds which caused vomiting, fatigue, zombie like behavior, and extreme weightloss), he is trying desperately to avoid that and won't even consider it now as an adult. He is very dodgy about the therapists and says we can't afford to go see them (One therapist quoted us $50 per session...I fail to see how this is not affordable...) The only thing he wants to try is Mindfulness Meditation, which I did not bring up but he has done personal research on. He thinks that this will fix his severe ADD, and that it won't even have to be used in conjunction with other forms of treatment. He forgets we would also have to pay for that...which may cost more than a therapist. My concern is that he is only trying to do what HE thinks will work, but he fails to see that it is this very form of thinking which has damaged us so badly. In fact, in him trying to change himself recently, he will instantly forget when he is putting off things like finding a better job, doing household chores (like cutting yards, something he rarely ever does), or preparing to move into our new home. He wants praise immediately whenever he remembers something like that! Without even giving me a chance to see continued effort! Then he gets mad if I don't (because I have before and then he'll just stop). I'm at the end of my rope, and now I have severe depression. He will acknowledge that I have depression and that I should seek help, but not himself? Please, please help me! And if anyone knows anything about Mindfulness meditation, please give me some advice. I truly think he needs to consider other methods, but he just doesn't seem to want to. We're going in circles trying his methods!