My husband ruins nearly every vacation, but always blames others (usually me) for getting very upset, getting drunk, etc.
After awhile (I can be slow ...lol) I realized that he doesn't do well away from the comforts and routine of home. So, when I needed to travel for a family wedding (I hadn't seen my family in nearly 3 years!), we agreed that he would stay home and I would go alone.
He promised that he wouldn't drink while I was gone and that he'd take care of everything. I called him the first morning after I arrived and he seemed fine. I called the second morning, and he seemed fine. He asked a couple of questions, but nothing big because he wasn't having to do anything really except feed the pets each day (he's retired).
That late afternoon of the 2nd day, my sister hosted a large dinner party in my honor. Shortly after the dinner started, H called. I answered (because he gets mad if I don't answer), and it was obvious that he was VERY drunk. I quickly went into a bedroom, closed the door, and H began to whine and complain about how terrible his day was and how he'd been drinking for 2 days straight. I guess when I spoke to him that 2nd morning, he must have "slept off" the booze from the day before. I told him that the phone call was keeping me from the dinner party, but he told me to "shut up" and listen. I could NOT get off the phone. Simply hanging up or getting off the phone before he agreed would just anger him and cause him to do something terrible (like break my things or drive drunk to get more booze). I was paralyzed by this situation, feeling like I was in a lose/lose situation.
After telling him several times, including CRYING, that I was missing the dinner party and needed to get back to the party, he finally let me get off the phone, but I had missed the dinner.
The next day, I called him and he had NO MEMORY of the night before. In fact, he actually reprimanded ME for not just turning off my phone! Believe me, when I've tried that before he has retaliated by breaking my things or other terrible behaviors.
He also accused me of taking his phone calls in order to "make him look bad" to my family. While I didn't tell my family that he was the one calling, they're not stupid so they knew, but said little to me about it. They knew that I was embarrassed and upset over missing most of the dinner.
The next day, my cousin took me out to dinner and during THAT dinner (when the food just arrived at the table!), H texted that one of our dogs was having an issue (very sick) and that I needed to call him immediately. I stepped outside the restaurant and called him. H was obviously drunk again, and began ranting that I'm the worst wife in the world and that he was going to just get into my new car and drive to another state with it and never be heard from again. Of course, he said that he was going to abandon the pets in our home (one of the dogs needs an important medicine twice daily). He knew that I was across the country, and it was late evening and that there was no way that I could get back in time to deal with this. I quickly had to call one of our kids to go over to our home. Of course, H was later VERY angry that I did that because it made him "look bad". Ugh.
H is now threatening to "move out" the moment I get home. That may sound like a blessing but it's not really. To get back at me, he'll sign a lease at a luxury expensive apartment in order to make sure that I have little money to live on. He's done this before.
I am sick over this.
He won't go back into rehab and he won't go to AA.