Husband turning aggressive

Hi,

My husband was diagnosed with ADD as a child.  I strongly suspect he suffers from Adult ADD or ADHD.  He tells me his mind goes a million miles a minute, and I sense he is out of control.

He's been suffering from severe depression.  We have had major problems lately; spent some time apart.  It seems like things were improving.  However, he still has unresolved issues and a lot of resentment towards me.

My parents are both very hard-headed.  They do not sugarcoat.  They are very driven people and can be abusive.  Consequently, I am not the most mouselike person in an argument.  However, I try not to resort to name-calling.  My husband calls himself names, normally a-hole and a loser, and says I imply this.  I hate this!  My tone does not bode well for me, I suppose.  My husband is tired of "taking my shit" and has started to get aggressive and angry in arguments.  He is starting to frighten me...  this is not the person I married.  Everything I say is an insult to him.  His needs are wild and, I find, inappropriate.  When I ask for details, and expose that he hasn't thought the situation through, he turns abusive.  Now he wants to run far from me. I am going to let him run.  But I know he will come back and be angry again.

 

I'm scared, don't know what to do.  Does anyone else experience this?  Where you can't say anything?

You can't do anything, you can't say anything...

My husband suffers from ADHD, depression, anxiety...he also grew up in an abusive/destructive household.  I have also experienced a lot of aggressive behaviors and 95% of the time walk on severe eggshells.  I'm assuming its the combo of his environment, his health (being ADHD), depression and his insecurity contributes to this aggressiveness and really everything that is him. Put it this way it got so bad...I mean soooo bad that we are now separated.  He's a walking book for ADHD and on top of that explosive.  It's frightening and it took a toll on me to the point that I became severly depressed and have resorted to hurting myself to numb the pain...therefore, we had to separate.  As of today, I'm healthy, stable, happy again.  Bottom line, ADHD or not he's been abusive towards me.  I care and love him deeply...I'm torn.  It's taken us 6 months of separation for him to begin being nice to me and realize what he has put me through.  My question is, does he really truly understand or is this temporary.  Trust me I can be swept off my feet again because he has started to hyper focus on me again, act really nice, regretfully...you know the deal.  The charming, spontaneous person that I met is coming back out.  It's a huge gamble.  Honestly, in my mind I don't believe they can do a 180 but maybe with meds it can help.  The aggressiveness is super scary and my concern is having children one day and him turning on them like he has done to me.  If I couldn't handle it how will they? 

I wish I could tell you what to do but there are no easy answers and never before did I think I would be sitting here alone without him.  Things really did get that bad, that unhealthy, that frightening so yes I experience this and there is nothing that you can say or do to make it better.  That starts with him.  Then the question is when they do start to show those little signs of hope and improvement you think is this real or is this temporary.  It's a big decision and it takes a toll on you in every way physically, mentally and emotionally.

Keep coming to the site for support.  That's helped me survive and realize I'm not alone and also help with the decisions I'm making.  I wish you the best but put yourself first and take it a step at a time.  Remember you can't rescue anyone from themselves.  They are a prisoner of their own minds and unfortunately this disease or whatever you want to call it really does become who they are.  Hope this helps