Husband very angry, please help save my marriage

This is a first time for me so I hope I can make this understandable. I am a ADHD wife with a very angry husband that has given up on me. I'm sure that it is for the severe ADHD symptoms he's been dealing with for 3 yrs. I got diagnosed about a year ago but our marriage was already having big problems because of my ADHD, which I think might be the reason I can't seem to help myself. The mood is almost always anger and frustration for my husband. And I am feeling very worthless and I am feeling there is very little hope left. So here I am, a last stitch effort to try to turn this around. I know he thinks that most of my less then attractive symptoms are controllable and that it should be easy for me to fix them. But to me it seems almost impossible. I love my husband very much and feel so horrible for what I've put him threw. And believe it or not he says he loves me very much too, but that is why my inconsistent actions hurt him so much. He said he has given me enough chances and has decided that it just won't work:(  

I have been dying to show him some of the stuff in here but as soon as I mention ADHD, he tends to run the other way. He said he has heard the same things over and over about ADHD so he doesn't need to hear anymore. When in truth he only knows the general facts about ADHD. Hes to the point I guess that in his eyes nothing will ever change and he;s given up.  I keep thinking that if I could get him to read or listen to me read about what you have to say about ADHD and marriages that there might be a glimpse of hope. But how do I get him to listen without anger taking over? 

I know I have made many mistakes, whether they were intentional or not, they are intentional in his eyes. I am more then willing,,,,actually I realllly want to get help to work on these things. How do I even get myself to reach out for help when I feel soooo horribly depressed and hopeless? I can't seem to say anything without provoking anger in him. I am soooo miserable,,,,,,Please help

medication?

Are you on medication?  are you seeing a counselor/coach?

He NEEDS to hear you and learn about ADHD.  My husband thought it was BS too, until I got a bunch of books and told him about it. I myself thought it was just a behavioral thing that i could just fix on my own...

I'm so sorry you're so miserable!  I know where you're coming from.  I am on medication and doing my best to change but still have slip-ups and even thought my husband FULLY UNDERSTANDS what is happening, he STILL reacts with anger/frustration.

hang in there and TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR!!

CarolB's picture

Yes I am on meds. I take a

Yes I am on meds. I take a antidepressant and my Adderall. I would hate to see what condition I would be in if I weren't taking the antidepressant. I realize Im very sensitive but hearing over and over again all the mistakes I have made and all the things wrong with me is tearing me apart. Especially coming from him:(  I keep thinking that something will happen and he will finally see the light but its been quite awhile. How do I know when to finally give up?

You mentioned he's very angry

You mentioned he's very angry at you. It's easy to say 'it's the ADHD' but without getting into the details, there's little that we can do to change things. And when you say 'it's my ADHD, please understand' it just sounds like excuses to him.

What specifically is making him angry? What are the things that you do, or the things that happen, that frustrate him?

Once we identify what upsets him we can work on those actions and behaviours instead of just pointing to the ADHD and hoping he sympathizes.