My husband won't address his ADHD issues. He used to say he didn't have ADHD and/or it simply didn't exist and was a madeup diagnosis. He's come around a pretty good amount I guess. This past year after losing something the umpteenth time he asked me "so what would I have to do to get ADHD meds?" Nonetheless I feel that he thinks that acknowledging and treating this problem is admitting that he's the "problem" in our marriage or something. Honestly the ADHD hair trigger temper/impatience stuff just takes up so much time we barely have the time or energy to ever identify and focus on what our other non ADHD issues are, from my end or his. When you've spent a full week fighting over his raising his voice over trivial stuff and who started it and blah blah blah, how can we even begin to grow as a couple otherwise? We are dealing with a level of pettiness that is so overblown and nonsensical it monopolozes our capacity for conflict and nothing legitimate is ever addressed. My point is, what I wish I could say to my husband is that if you acknowledged this was an issue and addressed it, the petty anger and fighting, hurt, regret and confusion that come with it would cease or be greatly reduced, and then we could just be two flawed individuals that are married and trying our best and just keep making all the other mistakes that people in healthy relationships make, and we'd have time to address those. He clearly sometimes notices and regrets his behavior, to the point where once a couple months ago he said that he feels im 'better than him" and that makes him uncomfortable. Im NOT "better than him". He is better than this behavior, and the person he is is wonderful. I wish he'd take a shot at separating himself from the behavior that doesn't otherwise jive with his sweet, affectionate warm personality, but he just won't. it took me two months and reminding him a half dozen times to go online and pay the car insurance - the money was in the bank, i just didnt have the log-in info. how can i get a person like that to sit down and plan how to get treatment when he is already very scatterbrained generally about simple stuff? I just dont see it happening. I am feeling pretty hopeless right now. When my husband doesn't blame himself, he blames me. When he blames himself, he feels immense shame and regret. So, I bounce back and forth between a guy who seems to be engaging in some level of shame and self loathing (I NEVER want my husband to feel uncomfortable or like im better than him), and a guy who thinks that his wife is the problem (I likewise NEVER want him to think that im just some bully that picks on him). I am 7 months pregnant, too, so things are going to get more complicated with a child. The only thing thats worse than suggesting that my husbands ADHD contributes to our marital discord is suggesting that his ADHD may somehow negatively impact our child. So, it's like the more i try to get ADHD addressed the more defensive and resentful of me he seems. I want to have a happy marriage that stands the test of time. I want my husband to always be proud of himself and who he is as a husband, father friend, etc. and most of all i want our child to have a happy, realistically well adjusted childhood and have a healthy emotional state as an adult. Right now im feeling like none of those things are possible.