Does anyone else have this problem with their spouse? My husband will leave doors open all the time - back door, front door, garage door, microwave oven door, cabinet doors. The house door situation is a BIG problem because when my daughter visits, her dog will bolt out any open door. Now my daughter refuses to let me babysit the dog (whom we both love) because she doesn't trust my husband to shut the doors. Not to mention letting the heat/air out and bugs in! I have asked nicely, begged, screamed and nothing seems to work. I usually just end up cleaning and closing doors because it seems hopeless. We have been married 11 years and it just keeps getting worse. (we both work full-time) HELP! I need suggestions.
I think he may be ADD because he is also a slob - won't pick up clothes, has PILES of stuff everywhere, unfinished projects in the yard, a garage that you can barely walk through, leaves shoes wherever he takes them off, dirty plates/empty bottles go wherever he is and live there until I put them away. . Then gets mad at me when I throw a pile of papers/mail away after it has been laying around for months.
Don't get me wrong - great husband, other than the clutter and the DOOR thingy....
Yea...we feel ya! lol
Submitted by c ur self on
Great wife on this end also, even with all the stuff you've listed, plus much more LOL...I don't know what to make of it either...My wife deals with the effects of add on a high level...She does the door thing also...She's about leaving drawers half open, she is such a hoarder, they want close easily...So I guess she just pushes them a little and stops...She's not to bad w/kitchen cabinets or Microwave...But, the front and back doors she prefers' them open...Like you said...A/C, Heat. moths and bugs...I just jump up and kill them out of the air when they fly into the TV light at night, or knock them off the ceiling when they land. LOL...But, I've studied my wife...instead of opening the blinds for light like I do....She jerks the cords and pulls the blinds all the way up....Then opens' the doors...I think her ADD causes some mild depression because she hates dark rooms in the day time...When the room is full of sun she functions better, and is cheerier. And heaven's knows I'm all for cherrier :) so I don't complain to much anymore except in the hot summer time, then, I just reminder, she's going to be hot this afternoon if she lets all the cool air out. If say it sweet, she will not rebel so bad ;)..It's amazing how her ADD as helped my OCD...lol...Besides, I know I need to replace our old 30 year old storm doors with some new air tight ones...That would make a huge difference around here...I priced them at Lowe's the one's that are the best, are about 700.00 a piece...So, I've got to break down and geter done...:)..I know this didn't help, but I just wanted you know u r not alone sister;;)
Yepp my partner is exactly
Submitted by Sally_87 on
Yepp my partner is exactly the same. We only have a one bedroom apartment so it's not like there's many door to leave open. We have a sliding door with a fly screen that leads from our living room to the backyard, and that's the only one he does close. But if I've got the glass door shut because it cold, he'll leave that one open and close the fly screen, and vice versa of its hot and the fly screens shut he'll leave that open and close the glass door. It drives me crazy, I'd rather him just not touch any. I've explained to him if you open the glass one then shut the glass one but every time with out fail, wrong one!! I've pretty much just learnt to accept it otherwise I'd go prob smash the door down one day.
he also leaves for work about 5 in the morn asn I stay awake until I hear the front door shut because he went through a stage of leaving it open in the middle of winter.
I needed this!
Submitted by tinkerbell0309 on
I just joined the forum and this is the first post I read. Boy oh boy did I need to see this! Thank you for putting a smile on my face and letting me know I'm not alone. My husband is diagnosed ADD and he has major issues with closing doors and cabinets. I jokingly say "I see dead people" when I notice one open.
Submitted by River Dweller (not verified) on
Oh, my gosh! I was really ready to go insane and I'm the one with add! 20 year marriage. Sometimes this door thing is too much. We live in a rural area and our cats are inside cats, way too many sick strays around, so keeping the doors shut is important. Lately my husband has been getting worse, front door, back door and the gate that was left wide open after he got home. That was just in one day. The trail of project evidence, the "I'm done with this" and drop it right where he stands like it slipped out if his hand... I'm so tired of nagging him and I had an accident so my life changed and I can not keep up with his messes and mine.
What to do??
Husband won’t close doors
Submitted by ASS9ass on
I'm interested to see this is not just my husband. He never closed the fridge door. I get very irritated by this because then the freezer starts defrosting, then a lot of ice forms, then I have to empty and defrost the whole thing. When I complain he denies it! But the worst is the front door. We live in a fairly poor part of London snd it's not safe! In the last month he has gone out twice when I am in and left the door wide open. Once I came downstairs in the morning snd found the front door had been open all night. Once I was out all day and he went out after me snd I came home to the empty house to find the door open. This is a huge concern. I can't stop worrying now. He's done it occasionally in the past but it's suddenly got worse. He also refused to accept he is doing it!!!!
It's common w/ add...
Submitted by c ur self on
Many adder's need and desire light (helps w/ depression) so they will open all the blinds, leave the door's open esp. if you have glass storm doors....Tie that with forgetfulness, and well, that's the story here anyway...:)
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
My ADHD husband did this all the time and was very difficult for me. I never knew when he'd leave the doors unlocked or wide open the next time and being vigilant on his behalf was very exhausting. I am wondering if there is some sort of alarm system you can get for the doors that will beep if the door isn't closed after 60 seconds (or whatever) so that it will beep until he closes the door again. I know there is a such a thing for refrigerators, so perhaps there is something similar for regular doors.
The open doors plus the clutter is pretty classic ADHD. Is he willing to be evaluated and maybe try some meds or therapy if it turns out to be ADHD? What worked with my husband with clutter was to give him his own room. I threw ALL the clutter in there - laundry, paper, projects, etc. If it laid around for days, it went in there. I didn't feel bad about it because it's unreasonable for all his messes to be everywhere inside and outside of the house. I could close the door on that room and it didn't effect me. The room was awful, mind you. LOL But the rest of the house stayed a lot more livable. We also got a maid service every two weeks, which forced both of us to clear the clutter so the cleaners could ACTUALLY clean. It made a HUGE difference. The clutter only had two weeks to pile up that way, I had less on my plate and the house looked amazing every two weeks so I could actually not die of embarrassment and stress having friends over again.
Submitted by Loopdaloop on
My boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years, I never realised the open kitchen cabinets was a symptom! It drives me crazy!! He's also left his car door open for about 4 hours on several occasions. And he wonders why I'm not keen to move in....
Leaving off screw top to gallon of milk
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
This has happened for years. ADHDer removes screw top to a gallon of milk, pours glass of milk, and puts gallon container back into fridge without cap. Cap remains sitting prominently alone on the counter. Seems like once the cap is removed and put on the counter it is no longer part of the 'milk' experience.
Every. Single. Light on.
Submitted by Shaky1 on
My palm just hit my forehead in solidarity. It drives me nuts. And lights. I never thought of it being connected to depression, but my spouse literally turns on every light and leaves it on, when it isn't even needed. I feel ridiculous following his trail closing doors, turning off lights, and picking up things I know he'll be furiously looking for later.
husband won't finish any type of tasks
Submitted by callie on
It is reassuring that many people also suffer through this same situation. Husband has not made any positive improvements in years (after much encouragement on my part...lol). So I just live with it. I'm like: where was your mother when you were growing up!!!!!!! She must not have corrected him on anything!
Just now we had an invasion of sweet ants in our pantry. (weather is cold so they are coming inside) Of course, everything that husband did not close up or seal, i.e. dog food, cookies, cereal, sugar, etc. was full of ants and had to be thrown away. I try to catch this stuff, but can't catch it all. He continues to leave all/any doors wide open. He sleeps in another room, so the clutter in his room is out of control (great idea to have him move to his own room, so I can just close the door).... It is unbelievable to me how he can live in a room so full of stuff, empty bottles/food containers, and not be bothered by it at all......
Thank you all - let's stay in touch!
In one ear...
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Now you have experienced years of 'In one ear and out the other.' Most likely his Mom was familiar with the same (and handed him off to you.) Don't expect any changes until your husband thinks it is his continuing best interest to work on those changes.