Husbands with ADHD/ADD

Hello I 48 years old, diagnosed with ADHD/ADD 4 years ago. I have been married for 20 years. I have two wonderful kids and a beautiful wife. I have a good job(teacher) and I am very blessed. Now here are the problems that may cost me everything I love. 1. Can't communicate with my wife on an intimate level 2. Blame all my frustraitions and disappointments on her.( because she is successful) 3. Stay ill at the kids a lot 4. Can't let go of old career goals that are not going to happen and I know it. 5. I struggle to be emotionally supportive to my family 6. I have trouble following through with Doctors advise. (Do it for 2 months then fall of the wagon) Are there any other husbands out there like me. I need help.


Real motivation comes from the realization that nothing else matters but your family and you will do anything to keep your family together. If that statement is as true in your heart as it is in mine, you will find the strength and courage to FULLY dedicate yourself to turning things around. The first step is to find the proper treatment to counteract your symptoms and sticking to taking the medicine as prescribed by your doctor. You'll know your on the right meds because your focus, mood, and motivation will drastically change. If you haven't found a counselor already, DO IT. Even if it's only for yourself. Make sure it's a counselor that has a background in ADHD for adults and preferably marriage. Also, grab a journal and start writing in it throughout the day. Especially if you've caught yourself falling prey to one of your symptoms. Write down what happened and how you could have reacted differently. Exercise is extremely important as well. I was slow to jump on the exercise bandwagon and I really wish I hadn't been. Exercise will help you stay in a better mood, feel better about yourself, and release some of the frustration, anger, and other feelings you are dealing with. Additionally, it will give your brain positive fuel to function better along with the medication. Stick to an ADHD diet. Yep, they are out there. High protein, complex carbs, and omega-3. Take fish oil and multi-vitamins and get tests to see what your zinc, iron, and magnesium levels are. If levels are low, grab some supplements for those as well. Continue researching ADHD through books , forums, internet articles, and videos. There are tons of free resources out there and the more you understand it, the more it will motivate you. Your hyper focus qualities will come out and all you will want to do is conquer it. The more you understand it, the more you'll be able to recognize when its symptoms are taking control of you. Last but not least, DON'T WAIT. Don't do what I did and act too late. Trust me, you'll regret it and you don't want to go through the pain of seeing the ones you love most in this world walk out the door like I did.

One more note: You have to do this for yourself. Hopefully, your devotion to change will help inspire your wife to support you through it but don't be surprise if she's not willing to and don't loose hope if she chooses not to. Stick to it, your life will change, and you will find a way to be happy again.

Thanks for your comments. I

Thanks for your comments. I am on medication but I only see my Doctor every 3 months. I am currently looking for a counselor close to my home. My wife has been very supportive but she has had enough. I was hoping I could maybe start a forum where the husbands shared their problems so we wouln't think we were alone with our problems.

Point of view

JW, It's important for us to understand and empathize for our significant other's situation. The advice the Non ADHD members give us here is invaluable as they are very open and willing to give advice from their point of view. Trust me, you are not alone and many of the ADHD members also participate here. There is a sub section more dedicated to the ADHD members: Counseling is definitely important. Make sure you find one that specializes in ADHD and marriage counseling. It would be great if your wife is willing to participate but don't be surprised if she is not. Don't be discouraged either. Go by yourself if need be and go as often as you can. Make sure the counselor provides you with homework: Brain Training, Research, etc. And make sure you do the homework. If you wife sees you making the effort, and your interactions improve, things may get better. Just remember, you have to do this for you. If you do it, and you are disappointed because you don't see a change in the way your wife feels, it can affect your goals negatively. Your goals have to be set based on what is going to improve you and make you happy. Good luck my friend. This journey will never end but I promise you that your life will improve if you stay positive and take action!