hydro HELP!

Idk if this is the right forum to post in but I didn't see one for what I need advice on. A quick back story: I have kidney stones and recently was hospitalized for 4 that were in my kidney and one that had to be removed (the stone not the kidney). I had a stent put in and was prescribed hydrocodone for the pain. I did not take but maybe two over a week period. I'm very cautious about them because I've heard they're addictive. I over heard my husband talking to his friend saying he "took one on Thursday but not since and was hurtin". I found this peculiar and instinctively checked my scripts. I discovered that out of a quantity of 50 only 18 were left. I confronted my husband and he adamantly denied he took them. This was in March. We argued a couple times about it, each time he denied it. A recent conversation with his best friends ex girlfriend this topic was brought up. She said she knew he was taking pills, hydro. She didn't know much beyond this. I of course immediately flushed the meds after I found so many missing. We are in therapy and it was brought up. He had also taken one of my muscle relaxers (car accident). I had taken none. I confronted him about the missing pill. He said yes he grabbed it but never took it. He brought me the pill to prove he hadn't taken it. I am going to say this was a week ago. He began his adhd meds yesterday. I need to know if anyone has experience with this? Is this common to adhd? If so, will it always be this way? I'm very dead set on zero drug use including taking scripts not prescribed to you. Please help.


Amonty- It might be related to ADHD, but I can't say for sure. I can tell you that my ADD DH has a history of addiction, so we have dealt with similar issues regarding misuse and abuse of pain meds (all was before he went on ADD meds...since then we've had only alcohol issues...). And yes, when I asked about number of pills left vs. what should be left, I was met with anger, defensiveness, and denial.

I can't say whether it will always be this way--that depends on him and his willingness to work on himself.

Thanks for the comment. I did

Thanks for the comment. I did confront him calmly and rationally. He has either become a great liar or he didn't take em. There are so many if's in this situation. The ex girlfriend of the best friend is supposedly my friend yet she's waiting til now to tell me? Plus some of the usage she is describing I think he would of had withdrawal and failed the drug test his work administered. Additionally, a friend of my husband's recently got busted for selling hydro. Needless to say he's no longer allowed in my home. On the flip side I'm not totally convinced my hubby has NO clue what happened. I'm peeved I've been put in a position to decipher this. I don't want to pitch out my marriage but I don't want to be married to an addict or user.

It is not uncommon (i.e.

It is not uncommon (i.e. fairly common) for untreated ADHD people to be a substance abuser...whether it be alcohol, pills, marijuana, etc. So, yes I think it is safe to say that it is common with some with ADHD. My experience is that IF the ADHD is being treated (especially if meds are being used AND being taken consistently) then their urges to abuse any/everything they can get their hands on decreases. (this is my own personal experience).

What I hate most about your post is that you, just like myself, want to question what you know is probably true...he took the pills. I was in denial for a very long time about what my husband was up to. I was clueless he was addicted...and he was addicted for MONTHS. Other than one or two occasions when he looked 'stoned', I didn't see anything glaring...hindsight being 20/20 I saw a lot more than I was willing to admit to myself. 

Itching (he would sit up in bed in his sleep and itch like crazy), leg/foot cramps, inability to urinate (it would take him 2-3 minutes before urine would come out), erectile dysfunction and other strange behaviors during his sleep should have been my first clues. 

It got a LOT worse before it he got clean...please just proceed with caution and trust me when I say that he will lie like his life depends on it to keep this from you...my DH lied to me and hid this, and other things, for 2 years. 


If you don't mind me asking, how were able to "discover" the truth? He doesn't have itching. He does have leg/foot cramps but he's had that as long as I've known him (10 years). i am really at a loss on how to proceed here. Our therapist is one of the best in our area and I trust him but he doesn't seem too concerned about the subject. Idk if this is because he wants my husband to be on a regular dose of meds before we confront it or if he doesn't believe he is abusing drugs. I don't trust him and that is mostly due to the fact he has lied to me in the past, though never about drugs. Or cheating. On one hand, I don't want to continue to suspect him if he is being honest but on the other I don't want to a woman in denial.

I discovered the truth in the

I discovered the truth in the worst way possible...he took something, had a horrible reaction, and wound up in the ER.

I was convinced he was taking pills at first...the amount of money that was disappearing was my first clue. He was drinking entirely too much and we had a horrible fight that (for the first and only time ever in our 15 year marriage) turned violent. I insisted he quit. Just like that, he did. That should have been another clue. Over the next several months, I saw the itching...the cramps in his feet...his mood decline drastically...his behavior get progressively worse...and him start to withdraw. He started seeing a doctor who prescribed him ADHD meds. First Concerta then Vyvanse. Both made him irritable and hostile. Little did I know, at the time he was on them, he was also illegally taking medication intended to help people get off of opiates. When he stopped the ADHD meds (at my insistance...he was become progressively MEAN and HOSTILE) he bottomed out and withdrew completely...it was at that time he admitted he was previously addicted to pain meds and was currently trying to come off of the medication he was taking to get off of them. His withdraws were HORRIBLE...but he did it 100% on his own...over the course of about 3 weeks. By the grace of God he did not lose his job..during that time. At that point my trust in him was destroyed...so I started asking for drug testing (which is what I would strongly recommend you do, but do NOT announce it...just give it to him one morning and ask he take it...I got mine at the local drug store). He passed it. Long story short, he started abusing other things that do not show up in normal drug tests and were legal...and wound up in the ER and subsequently into a detox facility.

He hit bottom, lost his job, and our lives completely changed forever. He has been clean for almost 3 months. He is seeing his psychiatrist, taking non-narcotic drugs to help him sleep (trazodone and vistaril) and has been on Straterra for his ADHD for about 2 months now. He got another job with far less responsibility than his last. I also went back to work...and thankfully will graduate college this week so I won't be having to do both at the same time anymore. 

Since his abusing ANYTHING is unacceptable to me, I was willing to push all limits and boundaries to make sure I got to the bottom of everything. It was God's will that I found out, even though the way I found out also involved our lives being temporarily devastated. I prayed quite often and quite emotionally...OK, I BEGGED...that God would give me answers and help guide me in my marriage...whether to leave or go. He has used up his last, last chance so I pray that his ordeal...which I personally believe was humiliating to him...was bad enough that he'll never forget it. Ultimately, he takes responsibility for his actions...but he does have some emotions (mostly hurt) that he doesn't seem to be able to process very well so he occasionally gets angry at people or blames others for things that HE left few options to.

I am proud of him...he is doing better than I could have expected with his treatment and continuing sobriety...but he is not 'cured' by a long shot and I have (what I feel are) very legitimate reasons to proceed with caution. First and foremost, he needs to be more honest with himself about his addictive tendencies...because he didn't require any 'detox' meds during his hospitalization, he doesn't feel he deserves the 'addict' label. I feel he will abuse anything he is given 1/2 a chance to abuse. I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle.

He has taken and passed two

He has taken and passed two random drug tests through work in less than six months. Its the only reason he isn't gone. No offense but your ordeal sounds absolutely horrible! I hope your husband finds the honesty it takes to accept what his addiction has done. I also hope things get better for you.

Life wasn't 'fairy tale', but

Life wasn't 'fairy tale', but things were decent for many years until spring 2009 when he found out his mother was dying. It was a gradual enough decline that I didn't really recognize it until it was too late. We separated...his drinking spiraled out of control...we reconciled in Dec 2009 (his mother passed away and my Daddy had an ATV accident 5 days later...and died a month later...it was a HORRIBLE time). It was about Feb 2010 when the violent incident happened...and about March when I first suspected he was taking pills. He took his mother's death very hard, he took my Daddy's death equally hard...and he started a 2 month affair right before it all happened. Best I can figure, LOTS of guilt, LOTS of shame, LOTS of pain, and LOTS of substance abuse was what fueled his life for the past two years. He has not always been a substance abuser. He did not even drink when we met. The harder core stuff only came after his lost his mother and my Daddy...and when our marriage was crumbling. By then, he was just in too deep. I pray what happened to him this February was rock bottom. I truly do believe it was.