Hygiene Issues?

Does anyone else have hygiene issues with their ADD loved ones? When I met my husband at 40 years old most of his teeth had fallen out. (He's not diabetic.) He swore he brushed his teeth every day, but seemed surprised that I do it after every meal.

I pushed him to go ahead and get dentures, now I can't get him to clean them. I can't tell you how much of a turn-off it is to kiss him and get some of last night's dinner in my mouth.

My daughter, who I am convinced has ADD, but hasn't been diagnosed (her father is my first husband.) never brushed her teeth after the age a mom should be reminding her either, and now needs thousands of dollars worth of crowns, etc.

I can't get my husband to remember his deodorant either, and he picks dirty socks off the floor and wears them.

Anyway, I understand about personal boundries, but how do I get him to be cleaner? Or am I just supposed to put up with it, like I do everything else?

re: hygiene issues

I too have issues with my husband's hygiene, or sometimes lack thereof. He consistently forgets deodorant - and I consistently remind him to put it on. And, sadly, I do know how much of a turn-off it is to kiss and get some of last night's dinner in the mouth. I'm pretty sure he forgets to brush his teeth. He's also known to clip toenails and then chew on them. Gross! I don't think he realizes that he's doing it when he does it, though. It's a tough one, I don't want to embarrass him or make him feel bad and at the same time I want to make him aware of things going on with him. I'm sorry I have no great advice for you. I do sympathize with you though.

hygiene issues

Finding this website has been so helpful to me!  I have never had anyone to talk to about my husband of 10 years' ADD and the issues it causes in our relationship and his day to day life.  I think it's hard for people who don't live with it to understand.

He was diagnosed as ADD and bipolar 8 years ago when our oldest child was a baby. He is on medication (when he remembers to take it) and one of our biggest problems is his lack of hygiene.  I honestly never even thought it could be a part of his ADD, I just thought he was being lazy!  He rarely remembers on his own to brush his teeth. I have literally seen people back up when he talks to them (me included) because of the smell.  As of today I can tell he hasn't touched his toothbrush in 4 days. When I mention it to him he gets angry so I usually just let it go. It's not like I want to kiss him anyway!  He is pretty good about remembering his deoderant as he always puts it on after he showers - thankfully he has gotten back into the habit of regular bathing.  He would have no problem wearing the same stinky clothes two or three days in a row if I did not pick them up off the floor and bury them in the hamper under my own. (if he cannot see his clothes on top then he will not dig for them) 

I have tried everything to "clean him up" but find it just impossible.  It's become a source of embarrassment to me and our kids but it's completely unimportant to him.  He just doesn't seem to care anymore.  I don't know if it's more from the depression or the ADD.  Either way his lack of hygiene has become a large problem in our home. 

I, too have no suggestions but cannot tell you how good it feels to know that I'm not alone in this situation!  Someone finally understands!! :)

Re: hygiene issues

As a fellow with ADD; I wont go outside unless I've brushed and flossed...however, getting my 7 year old to brush is just as you've described.

Have you told him how bad it is?? This might be embarrassing, but it might work. People sometimes listen more to unfamiliars rather than family. Have two of your girlsfriends to pretend to talk loudly (within his earshot ) about his breath!

I'll wager he starts picking up his hygiene....



Instant gratification takes too long.
                                          - Carrie Fisher




Hygiene issues-Reply

I think my husband has lost at least one job because of this. He set the alarm wrong and didn't get up in time, went to work without a shower and got fired that day.

To make things worse, my husband has hyperhydrosis (he sweats too much). He can't help that. He has to put on special perscription deodorant, but only every other night. That makes it hard to get into the habit. He's gotten what we call "hygiene lectures" from several bosses, even ones that like him.

I absolutely do understand what you said. I wish someone knew how to make our guys remember this stuff. I guess ADD women don't have this problem, hygiene issues are drilled into women from an early age. I did tell my husband he wasn't getting any more kisses unless he uses denture cleaner, we'll see how that works.


llc's picture

ADD women DO struggle with

ADD women DO struggle with this issue. I DO feel horribless guilt and shame. And reading this thread and the comments were awful. Thankfully I have a husband who doesn't shame me and I try my best. 

I do feel for our loved ones that have to live with us. I feel like all of us with this disorder must do all we can to do our best. But if they are trying (and some Here seem like they are not or don't recognize the problem at all) PLEASE don't use shame/embarrassment. It rarely works and honestly...many of us already hate ourselves enough without the extra baggage added...

Yes, my Husband who has

Yes, my Husband who has untreated ADHD will often forget to brush his teeth so his teeth aren't great and I usually don't feel like kissing him cuz he has bad breath. Fortunately, he doesn't get offended when I ask him if he brushed his teeth recently. Sometimes he will go a day or so without taking a shower, but most of the time he is pretty good at remembering that at least. It may be helpful to put a note up on the wall to remember to brush his teeth and take a shower in the bathroom.

I have to agree with a

I have to agree with a previous poster, women do have this problem as well.

I know I have to brush my teeth at least twice a day, but forget most days. I can feel them being dirty or smell bad, but that still doesn't make me get up and brush them. I feel awful, but just don't do it. I do however shower every day and use deodorant.

I've always had problems with my teeth (not only due to not taking care of them).

However, when I'm with my partner (we're only moving in together next week) I brush my teeth twice every day. And I even remind him to do his (he doesn't like brushing his teeth in the evening for some reason). When I'm with him somehow manage to do it and feel good about myself.

My other problem would be when it comes to shaving and other hair removal.  When we first started going out my legs were always smooth, my eyebrows plucked and my nether regions were always waxed. He now calls me his monkey. I only shave every couple of weeks. I do my eyebrows when they're really bad (or I get them done) and its been a year since my last waxing appointment.

I paint my toenails but only when the last colour has grown out. I love painting my nails, but again i don't do them regularly, so they always look bad. I'm also not very good at keeping my toenails trimmed or taking my make up off at night.


Wow I just read this back and I must sound like Shrek HAHAHA I'm honestly not that bad.

This is a problem for us as

This is a problem for us as well; I don't even want to kiss him and sometimes go near him because of his teeth and breath. I look at his teeth and they're all fuzzy and I'm embarrassed for him because he doesn't seem to know (even though I have mentioned he needs to brush). He is depressed and just doesn't care. He doesn't brush. He cracked a veneer in a front tooth and hasn't had it fixed. It's been months. Last time he cracked that veneer he probably went a year without fixing it.

We have French kissed probably 4 times in 7 years. A lot of the time I don't want to have sex because it is just such a turn off. He knows this and I think it's his way of shutting me out and pushing me away. We have a sexless marriage. We have had sex once in the past 5 months and sadly it was not a great experience. He's also so anxious in bed and so "picky" that it's robotic and not fun.