I am fairly new to this site. I have read numerous posts from Non-ADHD spouses commenting on the lack of sex or interest in sex from their ADHD spouse. I have the opposite situation. My ADHD Husband craves what he calls "over the top sex". Which to me, means that he's always expecting me to perform. To me, it means that I'm just a tool for him to get off...like alcohol or a drug. It means that I can't just be me and express my love for him in a "normal" sexual way. For him, "over the top sex" means me in lingerie 3-4 times per week, me coming on to him...telling him how great he is, me talking dirty and asking him to do things to me, me demonstrating to him how desired he is.
This has become a major issue in our marriage. He feels that the marriage isn't worth it if I can't deliver on this. It doesn't matter all of the other great things that I bring to the marriage. For him, this makes or breaks the marriage.
A little background info. My husband is 40 yrs old and was just diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year. He is taking medication and is working with a coach. We have been married for 6 years, have 2 children (4 and 1). I am the bread winner. My husband has been looking for a job for 2 yrs.
Like many ADHD spouses, mine struggles to help around the house. I feel like my plate is so full. I'm worn to the bone. His asking for "over the top sex" feels like the final insult! We fight about this all of the time. I feel as though my husband doesn't see me. I could put any woman in our bed and he wouldn't even notice that i was absent. I approach him and initiate sex but he feels that it's "boring" because I'm not being "over the top".
I work all day at a very stressful job. I stress about making enough money to support us all. I come home (usually to a very messy house which only adds to my stress) have to cook dinner and clean, because my spouse doesn't cook and can't clean consistenly. I give everyone my attention...everyone one wants a piece of mom. So, by the end of the day I am completely beat, bitter and resentful. How can I offer "over the top" sex when all I want to do is wring his neck!
I don't know what else to do or how to get through to him. I am seriously considering divorce. I would love to hear from anyone that has experience with this. I'm open for suggestions.