I have been married for 33 years. My ADHD was only diagnosed about 6 years ago. It explained a LOT of things to me and reduced my self-blame and 'beating myself over the head with a baseball bat' tremendously. I'd always thought I 'only needed self-discipline' (for better follow-through) and figured it had to be some sort of character flaw in me that had me so scattered. (actually I bought into the whole "dumb blonde" thinking before that was no longer PC, but that's another story)
He has consistently refused to learn anything about ADHD and is, in my opinion & observations, thinking it's just an excuse for not getting things done. He is very negative, judgmental, critical and conveys the attitude that "if only (people) would do things his way, things would be a lot better". He tends to seem 'disappointed in me' most of the time, for one reason or another.
He IS smart and his % of "being right" on any given topic is amazingly (and annoyingly) high. In the right mood, I can handle that by telling myself 'at least I was smart enough to marry an intelligent guy'. Other times it is terribly defeating because when he is 'right' that often, I am 'wrong' an equal number of times.
Most of the posts and forums deal with situations where it is the husband who has ADHD and the wife who is dealing with his flaws and foibles. I need ideas on how to get my husband to know about and better deal with me, the woman, having ADHD. And I need to figure out what I can do in this situation. I am assertive and have little hesitation in letting him know my feelings and needs. He agrees to try harder but returns to same-old, same-old within days. Any ideas?