I've seen quite a few posts here regarding ADHD+non-ADHD couples and their sex lives but one part of the subject that I didn't see touched upon (no pun intended) is how to deal with the ADHD partner's desire for instant gratification when the non-ADHD partner enjoys more of a build-up and foreplay. In my case, I'm the one who is the instant gratification person and he couldn't be more opposite, especially where sex is concerned but really in so many ways that is how we are. He is frustrated because of my lack of sensuality. He says I seem to have very little creativity in the bedroom in terms of setting the scene/mood, flirting, building up to the crescendo. I wonder if he's right. I can be creative in so many ways but when it comes to the bedroom, I am more the 'jump your bones' type. He is - in every way - the most creative person I've ever met - but especially in the bedroom... and while I do enjoy this, the long build-up can at times cause my mind to wander. I'm newly diagnosed and on meds/therapy but this is something that I know causes my other half not only frustration but some heartache. This is probably a bit odd coming from the female half of the relationship - I always hear these types of "complaints" coming more from my gender than from men (generally)... For a long time, I thought something MUST be wrong with me for my mind to wander so much during foreplay but now I know it to be a byproduct of the ADHD. This doesn't make it any less irritating for me, as I feel I should be focused - at least during these most intimate moments! Back to the original point of my post - I am not even sure how to learn to be more creative in the realm of setting the right scene in the bedroom... Don't get me wrong, I've watched some movies (both pornographic and not) to try and garner ideas but when I attempt to implement them, I feel awkward and forced at best - at least thus far. Is my man doomed to a woman with no creativity in bed?! I sure hope not. Is this a skill that can be learned?? He has often told me that I am sexual but not sensual (not in an accusatory way - we were merely discussing what some of our issues might be)... Can one learn to become sensual when dealing with ADHD at 38?
Submitted by PepperPotts on 07/03/2011.