I am the ADHD spouse! I have made a lot of mistakes but I really am not a spiteful, mean, liar, lazy, and all the other names I've been called by my non-ADHD. He is the one who found this site and told me about it because of something's that has happened in our marriage. A lot has happened in our marriage, according to him it's all my fault. Nobody is can never disagree with him. If someone does like his mother it's because "she is always on the other person's side." I have to accept and agree to everything he says otherwise the name calling and arguing begins! It has been fine for him to be verbally and mentally abusive and I am feeling like now that he knows a little about ADHD he uses it to hurt me. I have been called every name you can think of and his new one is I'm a retard. (Of course, he claims he says these things out of anger). I am at such a loss of what to do now! I have lied about really dumb stuff like whether or not I talked to someone. Just really stupid stuff. So, he tells me I am nothing but a liar, sometimes I lie just to (in my mind) avoid an argument. The latest is because in one of our arguments and in one of my moments I blurt out about someone asking me out last Oct./Nov. I do realize he should have been told, except I didn't want him going to jail if there was a confrontation. Also, I knew every time we argued he would tell me to call that neighbor. I have told my husband many times in the heat and one of my moments I don't love him, I hate him, I'm divorcing him, I'm leaving (I have left a few times but that's another story), BUT he doesn't realize it is ONLY because it's something cruel and nasty he has said to me. I told him in the beginning I was ADHD, he thought that's no big deal who doesn't have a problem with concentration...He has found out it is so much more but "He is in denial," "He has a hard time accepting his wife has a mental problem," (claims to not remember saying that), he told me his mom told him, "You have to remember she is sick." There is more but I can't remember the EXACT words, and if it's not repeated just exactly how it was said then I'm lying! I am having a lot more rage moments than I have ever had in my entire life. I think it's because I'm to the point I just don't care what I say back to him! There is so much more our marriage is a mess, nothing but chaos! I hate that our son is witnessing and hearing the vile stuff that is going on! It can't not be ALL me! I keep a clean house, I don't medicate in any other way, I take excellent care of our son...I do my best to control the negative side of ADHD and it's not easy living with ridicule! I don't tell him stuff because he uses it against me! There is NO affection in our marriage! He took away the last thing I was getting from him a quick kiss and love you in the morning! I HAVE NOTHING left or reason to stay other than our son that's it! I do love my husband...I don't like him very much at times but I do love him! He said, we had an agreement to stop with the morning kiss and I love you because it is only out of habit! I didn't agree to that and felt like a fool standing there this morning and he told me later "I ruined his day!" Cruelty is his best game!
ADHD spouse and possible Narcissist...HELP
Submitted by tazbaby06 on 09/29/2012.
He sounds like a real b*st*rd
Submitted by Tired of Supervising on
It looks like he's the big problem here, not you.
It doesn't matter what is going on with you-- you shouldn't be subjected to verbal abuse and mental cruelty. Even if he's angry-- that doesn't excuse it.
Seriously-- Consult a lawyer and make your plans to get out of there. If not for your own sake, for your son's. He should not have to grow up in a home like that.