I am NOT responsible

I found this site a while back and it prolonged my marriage to my ADHD/OCD/Bipolar husband.  Unfortunately I stopped coming here because it seemed better when I was taking all responsibility and giving him room to be a man with emotional/mental illness.

I'm a little angry.

I am partially responsible for that anger.  I should have realized that a miracle didn't happen when our friend committed suicide and he suddenly became a participating spouse in our marriage.  That was in May.  By July he was back at his old tricks.  I didn't come here, I didn't go to our marriage counselor.  Instead I said the heck with it and lived my own life.  I increasingly became more miserable.

In late August I told him I was unhappy and some things had to change:  his hoarding, his being unreliable, etc.  It stopped for maybe 4 weeks.  Friday he blew off a $10 an hour job -- he's been unemployed 2 years; Sunday we fought; Monday he didn't come home (because he knows this upsets me and because he can't face reality), Tuesday I asked him to leave; he got very upset; he did spend the night here on the couch where he normally sleeps anyway and this morning I asked if we could talk rationally and calmly today after I got off work and he said yes; I come home and he's gone.  He left his cell phone next to a Time mag article about the economy -- did I mention he's been unemployed for 2 years??? -- and locked up my bike in his storage place.  Jeez I'm sure this makes no sense.  He's pulling the classic I'll Punish Her For Making Me Upset Routine.

I am NOT responsible.  I married a sick man and he is making me miserable and I have to save myself.  I love him and I don't want to hurt him but what the _____?????  He's 53.  He acts like he's 10.  I've raised my children and to be very very honest:  I didn't particularly enjoy raising my own kids.  I don't want to be his mother.

So why am I posting?  If you love your ADHD spouse, keep coming here, keep going to counseling, keep getting help and stay in contact with spouses who are in the same situation.  I know I made the right decision and yet I still feel miserable.  It will pass, I'm sure.  I'll go on with my life and he will find someone else to be his caretaker.  It just sucks because he is the love of my life and I have to abandon him to save my own damn sanity.